Selfishness is a big issue among our teens. Culture promotes it and parents may accidentally encourage it. So, what can parents do to help their teens to become sensitive to others and foster maturity? In this article, I’ll share five practical tips to teach your teens selflessness in a “me first” world.  

How Our Culture Encourages Selfishness 

Teens and adults alike are encouraged to get what’s best for us, get our “fair share”, and to do what makes us happy. This, of course, coincides with our natural human tendency toward selfishness. We are born thinking that the world really does revolve around our desires, needs, and preferences––and culture doesn’t help. Social media is all about “selfies” and platforms where teens are encouraged to share how they feel, what they want, and how they see the world. Teens are rarely asked to consider others.  

We all know that selfishness is “normal” because we feel that way too! There are times when I simply just want to just be left alone to do what I want to do. But what matters is this: Am I willing to set aside my selfishness and serve someone else? It doesn’t come naturally, which is why wise parents will intentionally train their teens to become less selfish. Trust me, your teen’s future employer, friends, and spouse will thank you!  

How might parents inadvertently encourage selfishness in teens? 

Learning to care for others is necessary for your teen’s future success in work, relationships, and marriage. Nobody likes a selfish teen. In fact, studies show that many teens are delaying maturity. The National Institute for Health (NIH) has stretched the age of adolescence well into the mid-20s––some estimates have extended adolescence up to age 27! Folks, we need to stop prolonging immaturity and selfishness, and start training teens early to be selfless.  

If you are still doing things for your teen that they can be doing for themselves, you are not doing your teen a favor. Rather, you may be enabling selfishness. If you are rescuing your teen from consequences, no matter how appropriate or deserved, you are preventing your teen from learning to think about how their actions impact others. If you are allowing your teen to have a negative attitude and disrespect in your home, then it’s time to stop. Here are five tips that teach teens self-LESS-ness. 

1. Encourage an “others first” mentality at home. Look for ways to encourage kindness between siblings. Make sure every member of the family has a way to contribute to the well-being of the whole family. Foster a longing for independence as your teen gets older. That may look like talking about the freedoms and responsibilities you want to give them. Then, reward your teens when you see them serving each other. In this way you will show your teen what it looks like to live out Romans 12:3, which says: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought.”   

2. Require responsibility. Give age-appropriate chores to each child in your home. There is something they can do, so let them do it! Chores help teens gain an appreciation for what it takes to provide the things they enjoy. At the appropriate age, require that your teen get a job. A job is one of the best ways to learn responsibility. They will learn how to meet other people’s needs and serve others. A job will let your teen earn money and pay for his own stuff, such as a phone to talk to his friends or gas money to go where he wants to go. Start weaning your teenager off of your wallet and encourage responsibility. 

3. Watch your own attitudes. Your kids are watching you! And they’ll mimic the attitudes they see in you. Do you serve others inside and outside the family without announcing that you’re doing it? Do you complain when you have to do something you don’t like? Be sure that the example you set, the words you speak, and the actions they see, is training them to become less selfish. Let your teen see what it looks like to live for the benefit of others. 

4. Stick to rules, boundaries, and consequences. Letting your kid off of consequences doesn’t help their sense of responsibility. Rather, it might just confirm that they can get away with anything, no matter the rules or if it hurts someone else. When your teen learns boundaries at home, it’ll help them in relationships to come. So, when your teen messes up, allow for failure and the consequences to help teach your teen to become less selfish. 

5. Never stop loving your teen. Combatting selfishness is a life-long lesson, so give your teen grace! Keep moving toward them in relationship, no matter what they do. Communicate your love by letting them know there is nothing you can do to make me love you less and nothing you can do to make me love you more. Create a home that allows for imperfection and encourages strong, healthy relationships with others. 

Conclusion 

Selfishness comes so easy! We’re all born into it and it’s parents’ and grandparents’ role to help our teens become aware and sensitive to the lives of others. It’s moving them from getting up every morning and asking, “What’s everybody going to do for me today?” to, “What am I going to do for somebody else today?” It’s moving them from selfishness to selflessness––thinking of someone else first, instead of just thinking about themselves. These important life lessons begin at home with you. The example you set, the words you speak, and the actions they see, will train them to become less selfish. Show your teens what it looks like to  live for the benefit of others. Let them see the servant’s heart we see in Jesus––the one we’ve been telling them about for years.