Does your teen expect the world to be handed to him on a silver platter? Does he think everything he wants should magically appear, without any effort on his part? It’s only natural to want to give our children all the things we never had. But what happens when they transform from grateful receivers to spoiled takers?
Entitlement is a common feature of parenting today’s teens, and it’s not going away. Teens are growing up in a culture that tells them they “deserve more,” they should have it now, and someone else should pay for it! In this article, I’ll share practical ways parents can help develop the kind of character and responsibility teens need to thrive in the real world.
10 Ways to Deal with an Entitled Teen
If you don’t address entitlement while your teen is still under your roof, you’re not just raising a difficult teenager — you’re raising a difficult adult. Don’t put it off! Here are ten tips for dealing with an entitled teen.
1. Decide that something needs to change. Unless you proactively attack entitlement, things will stay the same. Entitlement doesn’t fade with age — it grows. That teen who demands the latest phone today will be the adult who can’t hold down a job or maintain a relationship tomorrow, because nobody ever taught him that the world doesn’t revolve around him. So the first step is making a decision that “This stops now.” It’s not going to be comfortable. Your teen will push back. But deciding to make a change is the foundation for everything else on this list.
2. Talk about what you see. Don’t just start pulling the rug out from under your teen without a warning. Have an open, honest conversation about what you’re observing — his attitude, his expectations, the way he treats the people around him. Let him know what needs to change and how you’re going to help him get there. This isn’t about shaming your teen. This is not about punishment. It’s about saying, “I love you too much to let this continue.” Be specific. Give examples. Then lay out the plan for a course correction.
3. Draw up some boundaries. Clarify, in advance, what you will give your teen and what you won’t. Maybe you’ll continue to pay for necessities, but extras are now his responsibility. Maybe screen time is earned, not assumed. Whatever the boundaries are, make them clear, make them reasonable, and make them consistent. Boundaries are not walls designed to keep your teen out; they’re guardrails that keep him on the road. When your teen knows where the lines are, he can learn to operate within them instead of constantly pushing for more.
4. Look for ways to show your love that don’t involve giving your teen something. Too many parents equate love with stuff. They buy things for teens because it’s easier than investing time, or because they feel guilty, or simply because they want to see their teen smile. But love can’t be measured in dollars. Be creative. Write your teen a note. Show up to his game. Cook his favorite meal and sit down to eat it together. Take a walk. Ask about his day and actually listen. When you separate love from material giving, you teach your teen that relationships are built on connection — not consumption.
5. Expect your teen to pay for some of his privileges. In an age-appropriate way, require your teen to contribute financially to the things he enjoys. That might mean chipping in for his phone bill, paying for his own gas, or saving up for those shoes he just has to have. When a teen has to work for something, he learns the value of it. It’s amazing how quickly a teen stops demanding the most expensive option when he’s the one footing the bill.
6. Put your teen in a situation where he needs to put others first. Nothing cures entitlement faster than serving someone who has less than you do. This might look like a youth group mission trip, a family service project, volunteering at a food bank, or feeding the homeless in your community. When teens see people who are genuinely in need, it has a way of recalibrating their perspective. Suddenly, complaining about not having the newest gaming console feels a little ridiculous when you’ve just served dinner to a family who doesn’t know where their next meal is coming from.
7. Give your teen new responsibilities. As your teen gets older, the expectations should grow. Every birthday is an opportunity to hand over a new level of responsibility — and expect your teen to live up to it. Maybe at fifteen he starts doing his own laundry. At sixteen, he takes on meal planning one night a week. At seventeen, he manages his own schedule. These aren’t just chores; they’re stepping stones toward adulthood. When your teen rises to meet them, you’ll see a sense of pride and ownership that entitlement can never produce.
8. Require your teen to get a job. There are few things more transformative for an entitled teen than earning his own paycheck. A job teaches your teen to show up on time, follow instructions from someone who isn’t Mom or Dad, work alongside people who are different from him, and understand what it takes to earn a dollar. The benefits go far beyond the money. A teen who works learns discipline, responsibility, and humility — three qualities that entitlement actively destroys.
9. Require your teen to be a “giver” around the house, instead of a “taker.” If your teen treats your home like a hotel — eating your food, using your Wi-Fi, and leaving his mess for someone else to clean up — it’s time to flip the script. Require him to contribute. That may mean doing chores, caring for younger siblings, cooking dinner once in a while, or simply picking up after himself without being asked. When your teen begins to give back to the family instead of just taking from it, something shifts in his heart. He starts to see himself as part of a team, not the center of the universe.
10. Don’t rescue teens from life’s obstacles. When your teen faces a challenge — a tough class, a conflict with a friend, a consequence for a bad decision — resist the urge to swoop in and fix it. Let him struggle. Let him figure it out. Let him experience the discomfort of working through a problem on his own. That’s where growth happens. Your teen will learn that he can face challenges and conflict, and that he’s stronger than he thinks. Every obstacle he overcomes without your rescue builds the resilience and confidence that entitlement robs from him.
Reminders for Parents
If you have an older teen who is deeply entrenched in entitlement, you may need to make life uncomfortable before things get better. He may need to be squeezed until being irresponsible is no longer beneficial. As long as he finds it easy to demand things from you and get them, he will keep doing it. That’s human nature. So stop making it easy. Stop rotating your world around your teen and his demands.
But don’t back off relationally. Pulling away from entitlement does not mean pulling away from your teen. Stay close. Stay engaged. Stay loving. And follow through on the changes you want to make at home. Putting an end to entitlement won’t be easy. You’ll probably start a lot of conflict in the short term. But in the long run, it’s worth it. Your teen may not thank you today, but he will thank you someday — when he’s a responsible, capable adult who knows how to work hard, serve others, and appreciate what he has.
Conclusion
Hey moms and dads … entitlement is an epidemic among today’s teens, but you have the power to do something about it. It starts with a decision and a conversation, and it continues with consistent boundaries, meaningful responsibilities, and a whole lot of love that doesn’t come wrapped in a bow.
Your teen needs you to be the parent who says, “I love you enough to expect more from you.” That’s not cruel — that’s the greatest gift you can give. The world won’t hand your teen a trophy just for showing up, and the sooner he learns, the better off he’ll be.
So start making the changes today. It won’t happen overnight, but I promise you this — a teen who learns to work, serve, and appreciate what he has will grow into an adult who can handle whatever life throws his way — that’s worth every bit of the struggle.
