Do you need a “fresh start” with your teen this year? The new year offers a perfect opportunity to make changes that can bring your family closer together. But before you set out to overhaul everything at home, take a moment to reflect on what’s working and what’s not. In this article, I’ll guide you through four key questions to ask yourself. These questions will help you narrow down your goals and focus on the few changes that will truly strengthen your relationship with your teen in the year ahead.
Question #1: What sparks the most conflict between you and your teen?
Here’s the challenge: Take a moment to reflect on how that conflict is being addressed in your home—or, if it hasn’t been fully addressed, think about how you want to handle it this year. Many parents make two common mistakes: overreacting or failing to respond at all.
If your teen’s behavior or attitude is causing ongoing conflict, pause and consider the deeper issues behind it. Have an honest conversation with your teen about what’s going on.
You might want to schedule a specific time to talk—whether it’s to explain what you see happening or to discuss the changes you’d like to see. These conversations can be the perfect opportunity to clear the air and get back on track. To make it easier, consider setting a regular time for these discussions—maybe something lighthearted, like “Confrontation Over Coffee” or “Disagreements During Donuts.” The key is making the time to connect. Remember, the conflict you’re facing today can be a valuable opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your teen.
Question #2: What does your time look like when you are with your teen?
If your time together is focused on “to-do” tasks, planning daily schedules, nagging your teen about homework, TV watching, or phone scrolling, then it’s time to make time to be intentional with your teen. Your relationship won’t grow until you sprinkle in some fun time and meaningful connections. Afterall, do you simply want to know what your teen is doing? Or do you want to know what your teen is thinking and how they feel? You won’t get that kind of information by simply checking items off your “to do” list or mindlessly watching TV.
One of the things that is essential to growing a quality relationship with your teen is spending time together face-to-face talking about things that matter to your teen. So this year, look for activities you can do with your teen––even if they have to teach you how to do it! Take time to laugh together, to have conversations that aren’t about stuff like chores and homework, and ask questions that let your teen express their opinions. These changes can truly transform your relationship with your teen.
Question #3: Is there something your teen is struggling with that needs immediate help?
Your teen may be struggling, but they might not know how to ask for help. So, don’t wait for them to reach out—take the initiative. Let your teen know that you see their struggle and are ready to do whatever it takes to support them. Teens need their parents to step up, especially when they’re facing challenges. Don’t just address the surface-level behavior—dig deeper to understand what’s really going on. The issue may not be the behavior itself, but something beneath it.
Rather than simply correcting their actions, focus on uncovering the reasons behind their struggles. Establish clear boundaries, set rules, and enforce consequences that guide your teen back on track. If your teen is having difficulty expressing what’s wrong, an outside counselor may be able to help them open up in a way that’s easier for them. If your teen needs immediate help, don’t wait. Act now to get the support they need.
Question #4: Are you slowly drifting apart from your teen?
As your teen’s world expands to include school, sports, and friends, it’s natural for parents and grandparents to feel pushed to the sidelines. The challenge is finding small, meaningful ways to support your teen while reconnecting with them. Before you rush in to “force” your way back into their life, take a step back and try to understand their perspective. Have compassion for what they’re going through. Start by acknowledging their focus on other areas of their life and tell your teen something you admire about them. This helps them feel seen and appreciated.
When you do have time together, make the most of it by asking thoughtful, interesting questions—like during the drive to and from school. Show genuine interest in their answers and make them feel heard. Consider planning a one-on-one outing, like a visit to a museum or a concert. If you’re not sure what your teen enjoys, ask them directly! The key is to make time for shared experiences. And when you’re together, remember to keep things light. Laughter can help bridge the gap, even when it feels like tension is rising. If you want to grab your teen’s attention, a small, unexpected gift can work wonders. Everyone feels special when they get a surprise treat! Whatever approach you take, the goal is to reconnect and show your teen that you’re there for them—ready to support and build a closer relationship.
Conclusion
You have the opportunity to make this year one of the best years of your teen’s life. The new year is a chance for a fresh start—a mulligan, a second chance to set things right and change the course of your family’s journey, especially if things haven’t been going in the direction you’d hoped. Make a commitment to do things differently and share that commitment with your family so they understand your intentions. Then, take action by getting time with your teen on the calendar. Block off time every week to connect with your teen, or plan something special each month for the whole family. If you fail to plan, you’re planning to fail!
Teens need time with their parents. They need your guidance, your attention, and your love—even when it doesn’t seem like it. Your challenge is to overcome any doubts or resistance and start this year with a renewed dedication to making it different—the best year yet. I pray that this year becomes the greatest one yet for you and your family.