Does your teen disagree with your faith? It’s not uncommon for teens to become influenced, confused, or simply need time to think through the issues of faith during their adolescent years. In this article, I’ll share insights on how to thoughtfully deal with your teen’s challenging questions about faith and respond in a way that doesn’t push them away, but encourages them to seek God with their whole heart!
Find Out Why Your Teen is Disagreeing
Is your teen refusing to go to church, asking hostile questions, or flat out rejecting your beliefs? When teens walk away from faith, most parents panic or assume the worst! Now is not the time to jump to conclusions. This may be the opportunity you’ve been praying for to help your teen develop a deeper and longer lasting relationship with Christ.
Take time to figure out why your teen is expressing disagreement, by looking at their decision to walk away. Maybe they’re being influenced by a peer group, social media, or someone else. Perhaps there’s a lack of understanding or a misunderstanding on your teen’s part about what your family believes and why. Or perhaps your teen is confused. Sometimes teens reject their parents’ faith in order to get Mom and Dad’s attention, or to get back at their parents when they are angry. In this case, your job is to dig deeper, look behind the rebellion, and address the deeper issues.
Sometimes disagreements have nothing to do with rebellion or confusion. Disagreements are an important part of a healthy process of seeking information and understanding. Some teens are deep thinkers who need to work through the issue of faith from all sides. Your teen may be questioning things in order to come to the truth. Whatever is causing your teen to walk away, the first step is to determine why and address what’s really causing the disagreement.
How to Respond Thoughtfully to Your Teen’s Questions About Faith
Questioning is not necessarily a bad thing, it can be a sign of growth. During the teen years, your child shifts from concrete thinking to abstract thinking, and questions like “why?” become more common. As your teen makes this shift, you should also change the way you parent. It’s time to move from a teaching model to a training model, especially when it comes to faith. This means you no longer simply tell your child what your family believes, instead engage your teen in conversations about faith. Don’t lecture or push information about faith, rather help your teen work out what faith looks like in the tough situations of everyday life by letting your teen see your faith in action. Your faithful example is more important than an abundance of words.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk about your faith. In fact, I urge you to spend regular time with your teen discussing these important questions. Take your teen out for a meal or get ice cream together, and prepare questions in advance to ask your teen. There is great power in a good question. Remember, you are not telling your teen what to believe, you are asking thoughtful questions that encourage your teen to think deeply. Resist the urge to correct your teen or immediately tell them where they’ve gone wrong. Instead try asking questions that help them work through their thoughts, such as: “Tell me what you mean by that.” Then listen to what your teen is really saying. As you spend time together, you will have opportunities to share your faith. Tell your stories and be patient with your teen. It takes a long time for teens—or anyone, really—to “get it” all.
Grandparents can play a vital role in their grandchildren’s spiritual development. They have a perspective that teen’s value. So encourage your teens to talk to their grandparents and create opportunities for your teens to listen to their grandparents’ stories of faith. Psalm 145:4 says, “One generation shall commend Your works to another, and will declare Your mighty deeds.” Your teen needs to hear how their parents and grandparents navigated their own journeys to faith.
Pay Attention to Your Teen’s Life
Your teen is encountering new challenges and being exposed to contrasting viewpoints that may shake their faith. Wrestling with questions about faith typically goes hand in hand with other challenges in your teen’s life. Look closely at your teen’s friends, school, interests, and social media to see what they’re paying attention to. Who is speaking into your teen’s life? Is there something that your teen is trying to communicate to you by pushing back against your beliefs? Perhaps the disagreements about God reveal a deeper longing, unresolved pain, or confusion that you may not have been aware of. Whatever the case, pay attention to your teen’s whole life.
Pray For Your Teen
As you look for what’s happening behind the scenes and as you engage in tough conversations, pray for your teen! Ask God to show you what’s really happening in your teen’s life, pray for opportunities to deepen the conversations, and ask God to work in your teen’s heart and mind. Don’t necessarily pray over them at the dinner table so they can hear you. It may come off as manipulative and you don’t want to push them further away. Instead faithfully and consistently take your teen to the Lord in prayer.
Conclusion
When your teen begins to question the beliefs, values, and faith they’ve learned at home, you have a valuable opportunity to guide them in transforming their simple faith into a deeper, more lasting relationship with Christ. As they encounter new challenges and are exposed to various ways of life, differing opinions, and contrasting viewpoints, remember their questioning is really a sign of growth.
Don’t despair! Instead take advantage of this significant opportunity to engage with your teen on tough topics. Admit where you might be confused about Scripture. Share your past struggles and doubts. Encourage your teen to seek answers. Let your teen know that it’s okay to question all that they’ve learned in a way that produces growth. Not simply for argument’s sake, but for the purpose of applying answers to the new questions around them. As they seek the truth, respond to their questions with grace rather than a dismissive or demanding attitude that might push them away from God. Rest assured that your teen will find the answers they seek when they seek Him with all their heart!
