Sometimes I wonder if my gratefulness for a gift truly is determined by my understanding of the sacrifice of the gift giver. 

Christmas came early for me this year. And it was by an odd set of circumstances that brought me to appreciate the gift I received.  

I’ve mentioned in other articles about happenings in my life over the past 12 months. I won’t go into detail, but I had a near drowning incident last January that did a “number” on my body’s level of functioning. One of the greatest challenges was that the shock of the incident, affected my kidney function, which was already been complicated by a disease I have, polycystic kidney disease (PKD). 

It was then that my kidney doctor said that we should apply for a kidney transplant and “get ahead” of the inevitability of needing a new kidney. We applied with Baylor Scott & White in Dallas and before we knew it, I was meeting with the transplant committee, and they quickly accepted me to the program. 

Within just a few days, my son and my son-in-law volunteered to donate one of their kidneys to take the place of the two of mine that were failing. After a few test that were required, my son, Adam, was determined to be the best choice as a donor. 

A date was chosen, schedules were set, and plans were made to accommodate the transplant schedule which meant that I would be “out of pocket” for 6 weeks following the operation. It was also determined that because of the size of my kidneys, they would have to be removed first, before inserting the new kid on the block.   

We hoped that the surgeries would happen without a hitch, and I would be home within 6 days. It didn’t quite happen that way. But it did happen in such a way that made me appreciate all the more the gift that I was about to receive.  

Removing 2 extra-large kidneys is no easy task and I have the foot long scar to prove it. Each kidney weighed 20 pounds (One heck of a weight loss program). Two days later my son gave me a gift. It was a gift of life that would extend mine. And as painful as it was, I’ve never felt more of a sense of gratitude for his sacrifice for me. 

Then some complications came about. My heart went into Atrial Fibrillation which just means that my ticker wasn’t ticking right with my heart rate up around 175. And to complicate a little more, I developed Ileus, where my bowels shut down and my plumbing was plugged. 

Over the next 6 days, I was moved to ICU, and under constant care by the teams of doctors making decisions about how to resolve the issues all the while dealing with the health of my new kidney. It wasn’t fun. I couldn’t eat for 6 days, my heart was racing like I was running a marathon, sleep was interrupted every hour for some test, blood drawn, pricking, poking, and prodding to do whatever they could to get me up and running. Jan, my wife, along with my daughter, Melissa would rotate nights staying with me to make me as restful as possible. 

ICU is not for the weak at heart.  Quite honestly it was quite messy, and all sense of dignity went out the window as nurses cared for me, cleaned me up, and try to make me comfortable. During those days I gave blood every 4 hours, was pricked for glucose test every 4 hours. Pills taken every 4 hours had to be ground up and put down a NG tube that ran from my nose to my stomach.  I was miserable.    

But it was in the state of being miserable that I gained some new thoughts about the gift I received, what it meant to be uncomfortable, and how much I was cared for. Lessons learned the hard way, but a gift, that I couldn’t have gotten any other way.  

Perspective from a Hospital Bed 

My sitting in a hospital bed for 6 days gave me a new perspective on being uncomfortable and accepting the position I was in.   No sleep, not making it to the bathroom, constant pricking and blood tests, not being able to eat, an NG tube down my throat; I had every reason to feel sorry for myself and think about how miserable I was. 

Until this happened. 

As I was in my room, I could hear the wails and crying from the family of a young lady who was in an adjacent room and was declared brain dead amidst a family making arrangements to harvest her organs for others.  

And a man across from me died and one night “all hands were on deck” to help this man and his family. It was hard to complain “where I was” knowing where these other families “found themselves.” 

Knowing what was going on in other ICU rooms didn’t eliminate my restlessness or being in a state of misery, but it did change me perspective. Constantly reminding myself of these others 

put my issues in a place where I couldn’t complain about anything. Anything!  What I was going through was “nothing” compared to what others around me were enduring.   

A new perspective was born by shifting focus on myself and praying that God would remind me of the importance of others and give me an understanding of the pain they are going through. 

This new perspective under these circumstances was an unexpected gift. 

Compassion by Way of Comparison 

I was so grateful that my process of a kidney transplant only took 4 months. My process was short in comparison to many others, and I was only on dialysis for 1 day, the day between losing my clunkers and getting a new one from my son.  

I became even more stirred when I heard from one of my fellow 38-year-old transplant patients shared with me how he’s been waiting seven years for a kidney and has been on dialysis for the same number of years. I became even more appreciative as I heard more and more stories of others that have surely suffered through their experience a lot more than I have. 

So, my comparison to others moved me to a great sense of compassion for those that had experienced so much more disruption in their life than I had. Comparison to others who are better off than us moves us to a disconnect. But comparison to those who are worse off, moves us to compassion. Comparison is good when comparing to the “right” people. 

Gratefulness by Another Way 

The older I get, the more I focus on what I have been given in life….family, friends, caring people and special times. Perhaps because I look at life differently than even a few years ago.  Gratefulness is a line of thinking that engages one deeper with family, kids, and others around you. One of the greatest attributes you can pass on to your kids and grandkids is a spirit of gratefulness. The worst of times can bring out the best of one’s character.  

So, in line with Connecting Families, let me share with you a couple of encouragements during the month of December, which is usually a month of reflection.   

Have some conversations around the dinner table about someone or some family that is less fortunate than your family. Talk about the blessings you have received, rather than focusing on the inadequacies that you may feel present in your life. Give a gift. A gift to someone that isn’t expecting it and would greatly appreciate a “shot in the arm’ (not like the many I have received lately).  Share what you are grateful for. Talk about times that you’ve been selfish in your thinking. You might just be surprised how encouraging your words might be to your family members. 

Hey, I hope that wherever you are in life, that you would take this holiday season to spend some time reflecting on the gifts that are all around you….hopefully not from a ICU bed like my time of reflection has been. The world would be a much greater place for all if perhaps a little more attention was paid to the sick, struggling, and disheartened and realize how good we really have it in the places that God has put us.  

May this Christmas season bring a deeper perspective, a heart of compassion, and a profound sense of gratefulness for His Gift to us.