Some families embrace counseling while others shy away from asking for help. But from time to time, everyone needs someone from “outside” their world to speak into their life. What better time than the teen years to get help when things seem rather complicated?
Counseling puts a mirror in front of you to get you to ask some questions of yourself: Why are you the way you are? Why do you do the things you do? And why do you think the way you think? If you are open to letting another person in, then sitting down with someone who has a passion for helping others (not just a professional) could be life changing. It’s an opportunity to have someone else help your teen, and it might be the biggest blessing for your family this year.
In this article, I’ll help you recognize when your family needs help and share specific ways to get counseling before it’s too late.
Counseling Isn’t Just for Teens Who Are Struggling
The perception is that counseling is only for teens who are messed up, when in fact, counseling may be the very key that opens a brighter future for everyone in the family. Counseling is a great way to help a teen through their issues at an early age — before they become bigger problems down the road.
Here’s what counseling can do for your teen:
1. Counseling ushers in a sense of hope. When your teen doesn’t feel hopeful about their future or their current struggles, a good counselor can help them see beyond their immediate circumstances. Sometimes teens feel stuck, like nothing will ever change. A counselor offers perspective that things can and will get better.
2. Counseling gives your teen ears other than yours. A counselor’s perspective might be a little more objective and a little more insightful — not tainted by every mistake you’ve seen as a parent. The counselor doesn’t have to deal with living with your teen day in and day out. They can listen without the emotional baggage that naturally comes with being Mom or Dad.
3. Counseling allows teens time to make changes. Some parents might ask: Does counseling just give teens more time and permission to continue with inappropriate behavior while they talk about it? Absolutely not! But counseling does allow teens time to make changes based on their discovery, without feeling nagged, judged, or belittled — not that you’re doing that, but that’s how teens often feel. I’ve noticed that when teens discover truth for themselves through guided conversation, they’re far more likely to embrace change than when it’s forced upon them.
4. Counseling creates a safe space for honest conversation. The fact is, some teens are fearful of sharing deep thoughts and disclosing inappropriate behaviors with their parents, especially if they believe they will get in trouble. A counselor provides a neutral space where teens can be honest about what they’re thinking and feeling.
5. A good counselor will pursue the issues of the heart. Behavior is just the symptom of the real problem. A skilled counselor will help your teen uncover the “why” behind their actions, which is the first step toward real, lasting change.
Change takes time. More often than not, you won’t see a change in your teen’s behavior until the issues of the heart are discussed and your teen begins to realize the motive for their own behavior. This can be frustrating for parents who want to see immediate results. But deep, meaningful change doesn’t happen overnight. It requires patience, persistence, and a willingness to trust the process.
Why Getting Counseling Now Matters for Your Teen’s Future
If you don’t resolve the difficult issues during the teen years, those issues will come back at a later time and have greater consequences. Your teens’ problems won’t just disappear when they turn eighteen. They will follow them into adulthood — into choosing a spouse, having kids, and entering the workplace. The pain your teen experiences now, if left unaddressed, becomes the baggage they carry into their most important relationships. The way they handle conflict, process emotions, and view themselves will be shaped by whether they get the help they need.
It takes humility to admit that you don’t have all the answers and that your teen needs help beyond what you can provide. But it’s one of the most loving things you can do for your teen.
How to Know If Your Teen Needs Counseling
Sometimes it’s obvious that your teen needs professional help. Perhaps they’re engaging in dangerous behaviors, or they’re deeply depressed, or they’ve experienced significant trauma. But other times, the signs are more subtle. Here are some indicators that counseling might benefit your teen:
– Your teen seems withdrawn or isolated from family and friends
– You notice significant changes in their eating or sleeping patterns
– They’re struggling academically when they previously did well
– They express feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
– You can’t seem to connect no matter what you try
– Past traumas or difficult life circumstances haven’t been fully processed
– Family conflict is constant and nothing you try seems to help
– Your teen is experimenting with risky behaviors
– They’re dealing with anxiety that interferes with daily life
– You sense something is wrong but can’t quite put your finger on it
If any of these resonate with you, it’s worth exploring counseling options for your teen.
Finding the Right Counselor
Not all counselors are created equal, and finding the right fit matters. Look for someone who specializes in working with teens. Your teen will probably respond best to a counselor who understands their world. Ask around for recommendations from other parents, your teen’s school, or your church. Interview potential counselors before committing. It’s okay to ask about their approach, their experience with teens, and their philosophy of counseling.
Your teen may not click with the first counselor you try, and that’s okay. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find someone your teen feels comfortable opening up to. Be patient with the process. Don’t give up if your teen resists at first. Many teens are hesitant about counseling initially. You may need to “help” your teen want to attend counseling sessions by taking away privileges until they agree to go, and rewarding your teen when they participate.
Your Role During Your Teen’s Counseling
While your teen is in counseling, your role is to be supportive. First, don’t demand to know every detail of what’s discussed in sessions. That’s your teen’s private space. However, a good counselor will keep you informed of general progress and any serious concerns. Then, be willing to participate if recommended. Often, teen issues are interconnected with family dynamics, and everyone benefits when the whole family works on communication and relationships together. Finally, be open to hearing difficult feedback about your own parenting or family patterns. This isn’t about blame — it’s about growth for everyone.
Continue to work on your relationship with your teen outside of counseling. The counselor isn’t a replacement for your involvement in your teen’s life. In fact, counseling works best when parents are also actively engaged in connecting with their teen, even when they’re working through difficult issues.
Conclusion
Hey moms and dads … have you ever wished that someone would just listen to you without trying to correct your thoughts? Has there ever been a time that you hoped that someone would just lend you their ear? Did you ever feel like the advice that your parents gave you didn’t quite fit the challenges you were going through and you longed for some other wisdom? Ever feel like no one listens to you?
Your teen may feel the same way. Now this doesn’t mean that you’re not doing a good job as a parent, but what it means is that something isn’t meeting your teen’s needs. And it may be that the distant ears of a counselor that isn’t caught up in rules, consequences, and heated family emotions, is what’s needed to get your teen through some of their tough times.
Your teen’s attitude about getting help might reflect your feelings of the same. So, let them know that it’s okay to ask for help and to want to talk with someone else who may have more expertise than you. Remember, anything that’s not spoken out will be acted out. Scripture reminds us to seek out wisdom, which may mean the involvement of a counselor. Counseling may be the very thing that helps your family move forward together, with hope for the future and healing for the past.
