Here’s the problem. Today’s teens don’t think drugs are as big a deal as they were in your generation. Teens are far more likely to hear about the negative impacts of alcohol, and they will tell you that pot looks tame by comparison. If you fight back with more information, you’re going to lose that argument every time. Teens don’t need more information. They’ve got a phone in their pocket and friends who already told them everything they think they need to know. What they need is your wisdom.
Whether you like it or not, marijuana is legal, or close to it, in most of the country. Your teen has probably already been around it, and if they haven’t yet, they will be soon. It’s not as prevalent as alcohol, but it’s becoming just as accessible. Smoke shops on the corner, spring break getaways, and every party in between offer an opportunity for your teen to experiment with drugs. In this article, I’ll explain why teens turn to drugs in the first place, how the habit sinks its hooks in deeper, and what parents can do to minimize the attraction of drugs.
Why Teens Turn to Drugs
1. Curiosity. Plenty of teens simply get curious about “off-limits” things. Often, they’ll experiment at a friend’s house or a sleepover, just to see what the fuss is about.
2. To Fit In. Teens are always looking for acceptance. I’ve sat with plenty of teens whose lives spun out of control on drugs — teens who started using because they wanted, more than anything, to feel accepted. When a group of friends welcomes your teen in simply for showing up and getting high, it feels like the acceptance they’ve been chasing. It isn’t always about the high. It’s about finally belonging somewhere.
Doing drugs with friends can feel like a quick and easy way to find that sense of belonging and being part of the “in” crowd. It’s no different from the way teens who fit in through sports, music, or any other shared hobby, except this “hobby” comes with a much steeper price tag.
3. To Get Relief. Teens are under intense pressure at school, online, at home, and from the culture at large. Anxiety is on the rise, arguments at home wear them down, and overthinking keeps them up at night. So, they self-medicate, because drugs are accessible and they work, at least for a while. One young man told me his drug use really took off after his parents divorced, when the rules at each house went in opposite directions and he felt caught in the middle. Taking drugs relieved the pressure he felt, even if it was only temporary relief.
The Staying Power of Drugs: How Teens Sink Deeper
1. More Drugs Equal Less Motivation. Once drugs begin to kill a teen’s motivation, doing more drugs becomes the only thing they have energy left for. I’ve watched star athletes and honor students lose interest in everything including school, church, and friendships, because something else is giving them relief from a culture that feels too intense to face sober.
2. Drugs Eventually Destroy Self-Esteem. A teen becomes dependent on something outside himself to feel okay. But when he isn’t high, he’s depressed and feels terrible about his own life, which only motivates him to get high again to counter that depression. It’s a loop that gets tighter every time around.
3. As the Addiction Gets Worse, Stress Rises at Home. Conflict caused by a teen’s guilt and shame, as well as a parent’s anger and frustration — only fuels the very problem you’re trying to solve. Sadly, the stress at home gives your teen one more reason to look for an escape from the arguments happening under your own roof.
What to Do About Drugs: Action Steps for Parents
1. Talk to Your Teen! This is one of the most important things you can do, before they explore drugs and after you find out they’ve used. Ask good questions and listen to their answers. Start a discussion, not a lecture. Try questions like, “What do you think about legalizing marijuana, and why?” “Why do you think people start doing drugs?” “How do you think we’d respond if you tried it?” “Since we don’t allow drug use in our family, what do you think the consequences should be?”
These questions are meant to spark conversations. Talking about drug use will help you gauge how your teen thinks, and gives you the opportunity to guide your teen, through conversation, toward a better understanding of your values, as well as the risks that come with drug use.
2. Have Consequences in Place. Don’t wait until you find a marijuana vape, a lighter, or other drug paraphernalia in your teen’s room to determine how you will react. Decide ahead of time what will happen if your teen uses drugs, and be sure to communicate those consequences clearly, before you ever need to enforce them. Then, when your teen crosses the line, it’s your role to follow through on the consequences you’ve already laid out.
3. If Your Teen Is Already Addicted, Take Steps to Help. Do this without shaming him. Shame will only push him further toward the escape he’s already found. This might mean counseling, drug testing, or even residential treatment. So do whatever it takes to break the habit. Don’t wait for the problem to resolve itself. I don’t know many teens who are able to release themselves from the attraction of drugs without help.
Conclusion
Hey moms, dads, and grandparents … it’s a changing world, and what was once taboo is now widely accepted in your teen’s culture. That doesn’t mean it’s right. It just means we’re going to have to deal with it and help our teens deal with it too. God has placed you in relationship with your teen to handle exactly what’s in front of you right now. This is what you’ve been preparing for. Here’s a good verse to hold onto: James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives generously.” So don’t just hand your teen more information. Share the wisdom you have to deal with the real issues of your teen’s heart.
