“This month is to be for YOU the first month, the first month of YOUR year.” Exodus 12:2
I doubt that I’ve ever met a person that hasn’t had a longing for a second chance, a mulligan, a do-over, a fresh start, or new opportunity or innovative challenge to undertake. Either in their personal lives or for their family. I think we all desire something new, challenging, and improving for our lives, our kiddos, or our spouses. It’s normal. So let me ask you this question.
What do you want different for your family this upcoming year? Wouldn’t now be a good time to start some new habits and change some old-outdated routines that really do create deeper relationships in the days ahead? With a new year, comes a new opportunity for change….change that might just alter the destiny of your family.
Now, I believe in tradition and those habits in our life that are a part of all of our communities of faith. I’m not talking about changing those. I’m talking about some new goals for a new year that provide concentrated and richer life between the relationships within family.
Here’s some things to consider.
“Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past…” Isaiah 43:18
Letting Go of the Past
It’s hard to move on to something new, when you can’t let go of the something old. We all have “baggage” that is carried even from our earliest of years. I had a man recently tell me of a comment that his 4th grade teacher made to him. She said this cruel remark. “If you had as much brains as you do fat, you would be brilliant.”
This 45-year-old man who was the recipient of that comment, said that there wasn’t a day in his life that he didn’t think about that comment. He stated that this comment has actually shaped his life. I can tell you hundreds of comments that have frozen the ability to “move one” that were made during those earlier years. I always felt I would never accomplish anything in life because I wasn’t capable. When I was fired from a job once, the feelings of rejection affirmed that childhood comments of my inabilities. My wife was told she was “trash” as a result of 7 years of sexual abuse. I have always been a little conscious of the size of my nose (it’s not really that big), but because I broke it once in 4th grade and people made fun of me, it stuck.
I’m not sure why we hang on to those things said years ago. But for some reason we do. And some of these criticisms early on, have the ability to paralyze future growth. We hold onto those things like they are to determine who we are.
I’ve learned after 50 years of marriage that if I spent my time living with my wife Jan as we did in the early tougher years of our marriage, or we still operated as a family the way we did when my children were in high school, that the hope of brighter future, and a happier one, would never be possible.
“Forgetting what is behind you and straining toward what is ahead.” Philippians 3:13
Sometimes we get tied to the past by allowing past hurts from a long time ago, or past comments made by others, to determine who we are today. Might I suggest that we spend some time over morning coffee, or a drive through the countryside doing some self-reflection to pinpoint those things in the past that are hindering greater growth in the days ahead?
And do this. Forgive yourself for succumbing to those thoughts, and forgive those that might have caused some of the damage that affected your life.
Forgiveness is giving up hope that you’ll ever have a better past.
“Don’t be anxious about anything, but in every situation, present your request to God.” Philippians 4:6
Having the Tough Discussions
This time of the year may be a perfect time to have some talks around the table discussing what is holding your family back from a greater and better life. I wouldn’t focus so much on the negative as I would encourage you to talk about what you really want for your family. So let me ask you, what do you want?
Something different? Something challenging? Getting rid of some old family habits that confuse the connection of relationships? There are so many things that are held onto, and are never let go, and when one gets older, these are the things old people regret, never have talked about, much less talked about when it was possible to make those changes that could bring new life.
It takes courage to talk about hard things, hurts, disappointment, failures, but the mere discussion of these things’ usher in an atmosphere of genuineness and authenticity, the kind of substance that everyone desires in family relationships. Hey, quit trying to be perfect because that isn’t going to happen this side of heaven.
“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
What would you like Changed in Your Family
Big question here. If you don’t know where you’re going, then any road will get you there. But if know what you want (the question I asked earlier) then that is the first step to making the changes that you long for.
Let me give you a word of advice here. When Jan and I were in marriage counseling dealing with the skeletons of the past that were haunting, and affecting, our marriage, were given this wisdom. Our counselor told us that if we would just quit trying to change one another, that we would both be 100% happier in our relationship with one another. Best marriage advice I’ve ever been given.
Don’t focus the need for some change in your family on one person. Start with those simple discussions that may start with some simple lines like this:
“You know, I hope this new year will be one that is different……”
“Hey, if we could all make some changes to how we operate as a family, what would you suggest?”
“What habits do we have in our family can we get rid of and live a better life?”
“What do you want out of life and how can each one of us help you get there?’
“I’d like to have one night that we could call a special night of sharing what we each want to be different out of life, and how we can help each other get there.”
The simple fact that you’re having discussion will lead to other insights that you can pick up from one another. And these changes just can’t be one person that has the idea, but all in the family that participate in wanting something new for the whole family.
“Behold, I am making all things new….” Revelation 2:15
Talk Over a New Course for the New Year
Puts some feet to these conversations and come up with some practical ways to line out some changes. Talk to someone else and get their ideas. Proverbs 15:22 states, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed.”
Kick around ideas and make them personal to your family. Like this. If someone who has never taken up the habit of running, then I doubt it would realistic to think that they could be ready to run one a month from now. Be realistic. Make these new ideas for the new year practical, possible, and achievable. Remember, there’s still more years ahead to make changes. Don’t try to do everything at one…the development of new habits in a family is a marathon, not a sprint.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding.” Philippians 3:5
Understanding Habitual Procrastination
Here’s the biggest hindrance to making changes in the new year. Don’t put off today, what’s never going to happen tomorrow. Look, it’s hard to break old habits. And one of my habits is that I put off creating new habit until I have time or have a need that is pressing and would cause conflict if I didn’t. Both of these habits, one of procrastination, and one of allowing life to control me rather me controlling life, are two that I have to battle against. It’s not that I’m lazy, I just sometimes don’t like change. I don’t like to start exercising. I don’t like to change the way that I eat. And I don’t like changing the patterns of life that I’ve gotten used to. I think that’s natural for us all!
It all comes down to your internal drive that sees the need for a better life that allows for changes and throwing off the old and putting on the new. For me, I usually need to find an accountability partner where we can be of mutual encouragement to one another.
“See, I am doing a new thing! Isaiah 43:19
My hope for you and your family is that this New Year will bring some new changes, some sluffing off of some old habits, and a deepening of relationships within your family that draws you closer and closer together. And may this year, be one of blessing, fruitfulness, and one that is full of joy! Happy New Year, my friend.
