Do you feel like your teen is pushing away from you? Are they spending too much time on the phone or playing video games? Are they consumed with their friends? In this article, I’ll share practical ways parents can draw their teen back into a relationship and forge a deeper connection.  

1. Pursue Your Teen Even When They Don’t Respond 

Don’t expect your relationship to look like it used to. As your child becomes a teen, they begin to think and act differently, and it’s for you to shift the way you engage with your teen. No matter what your teen is saying or how he is acting, you should “go after” your teen. Just because a teen is silent or aloof doesn’t mean they don’t want you in their life. Even if they don’t communicate it, your presence is a huge need for them at this time. Pursue your teen even when he doesn’t respond. I promise it will make all the difference in your relationship. 

2. Make Sure Your Teen Knows They Can Count on You 

Your teen lives with constant uncertainty in this world––friends change, schools change, and the world feels unstable as they learn to navigate relationships with their peers. All this can cause great anxiety in the teen years. While you are not going to be able to change the world they live in, you can structure it, monitor it, and oversee it to some degree. Your relationship can be the anchor in the storm that holds your teen together in these turbulent times. When they are certain they can count on you, you become a safe refuge for your teen. 

3. Let Your Teen Make Their Own Decisions 

Parents get used to making all the decision for their kids. But as they grow up, parents need to shift the responsibility to their teens. If you insist on making all the decisions for your teen, you will stunt the growth of your relationship. Start small and give your teen more and more freedom, while requiring them to show you more responsibility. Let your teen have ownership over his choices, good or bad. Your new role is to cheer them on when they do well and give them grace––and another chance––when they mess up. Stand back and watch with delight as your teen grows up in his own way, making his own decisions. The end goal is to train your teen to become a mature adult who can make decisions for himself. 

4. Don’t Be Scared Off By Your Teen’s Moodiness 

No one likes to be grumped at. But remember your teen is processing a world that is overwhelming and often disappointing. Most likely your teen will come home from school with the heaviness of the world on their shoulders. From time to time, they will be sad, moody, angry, and confused. When this happens, don’t put up a wall between you and your teen. Take steps to comfort them, laugh with them, offer favorite treats, listen, and then listen some more. Make your relationship a safe place to share their feelings and retreat from the stress of the outside world. 

5. Listen to Your Teen When They Talk 

Listening is a powerful tool.  But it’s not always easy to do. It takes focus and intentionality to listen to what your teens is saying, without interrupting, correcting or criticizing him. But listening will help your relationship grow! Sometimes the best thing you can do for your teen is to stop what you are doing and just listen. Watch for sudden changes in habits, friends, or grades and listen to your teen to find out what’s behind these changes. Ask questions to keep the conversation going, and don’t be afraid of sharing your own struggles. Going through hard times together may be exactly what is needed to deepen your relationship. 

Extra Tips for Your Relationship with Your Teen 

Life is difficult; so don’t take parenting so seriously all the time. It’s okay to laugh at good jokes, at funny videos your teen shares, and even at yourself. Find new ways to have a good time together. Plan trips or new experiences to make memories. If he’s a skateboarder––strap on knee pads and have him teach you a new trick! Does she love photography? Take a class together! Then when tough times come, you will have those good memories to keep you close.  

Conclusion 

If your relationship with your teen is strained, the good news is you can have a “mulligan”. Start fresh in the pursuit of a renewed relationship with your teen. Relationships need an overhaul from time to time––like getting a fresh coat of paint or correcting some long-neglected maintenance issues. It’s not too late. Your teen would love to have a new chance for a better relationship.

So what are you waiting for? Don’t wait for your teen to invite you. Now is the time to step up and have those long-overdue conversations about what you’d like to see different and how you’re going to make those changes. Your connection with your teen was designed by God, and He can use you in a mighty way to give your teen a taste of His character as you act as an example of the Word becoming flesh, right before their eyes.