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Be a Source of Hope for Your Teens

I’m really not a negative guy when it comes to my outlook on life and how I view the world. But there are times that I’m hit with facts that shake my thoughts and cause me to wonder how teens are surviving a culture that doesn’t always have their best interest in mind. Here are some facts that I mentioned on our podcast.

 

Approximately 8% of adolescents had symptoms of major depressive disorders in 2009. That percentage increased to 16% in 2019 and has now reached 20% this year. 36% had persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness….that’s over 1/3 of teens today.

 

Suicide rates among teens have increased as well, rising 62% from 2007 to 2021. 25% of people know of someone who has died from suicide. This one shocked me: four times as many teens die from suicide than die from cancer. These stats were a shock to me and I am one who has lived with over 3,000 teens.

 

This is what I believe to be true and what I think is the only way to combat these negative statistics that should cause most to gasp with sense of despair. Here it is: 

 

It’s Moms and Dads, and family, that can usher in a sense of hope and stop the insanity that is ravaging our teens.

 

The hope that your teen hungers for and the encouragement they desire can come from parents who are intentional to help their adolescents overcome their emotional pitfalls, negative thoughts, and daily challenges they face.

 

So, let me give you some ideas that I’ve found, after 50 years of working with teens, to be helpful in bringing hope and support to a struggling group of teens living sometime just 20 feet from where we lay our head each night.

 

Make Time for Your Teen

Making time for your teen shows him that he’s important to you, and who doesn’t want to feel loved and valued? No matter what your teens says, in his heart he wants to spend time with you and not just once in a while. You need to set aside a regular, weekly time to spend together. As you do, your consistent presence will instill a sense of hope and an understanding in your teen that he is not alone. You letting your teen know that mom and dad will be available as he grows into adulthood, and as he faces challenges, is key to instilling a sense of hope for the future.

 

When you do grab that special time of the week to spend with your teen, spend a majority of the time asking questions, challenging their thoughts, and throwing out bits of wisdom that lets them know that you are concerned for their heart.

 

Over time, your conversations will go deeper. You will have the opportunity to share your wisdom and speak into his life. Not every conversation will be significant and some may get uncomfortable, but do your best to make your time together positive. It will stir up life-giving hope for your teen.

 

Tell Your Story

I strongly recommend working on processing your own life experiences so that you can draw insight and wisdom out of it to pass onto your teen. Tell your personal stories of successes and failures. Matter of fact, your confession of those mistakes and failures shared will carry more weight in connecting your relationship than you bragging about your successes and accomplishments. Hearing about the times when you messed up will help your teens see that there’s hope for them as well. This is especially helpful if you’re struggling to see the positive side of life these days. We all need to look beyond our current circumstances and be reassured that we will get through the tough times. When you recall and retell the times when God has blessed your life, even though the struggles you have faced, you are encouraging when you might not even know it.

 

Give Your Teen a Big-Picture Perspective

Most teens live for the here and now. They can’t imagine life in five to ten years, let alone next week! But you can help your teen see beyond what is right in front of them by talking about your own life story. They have the internet, but you have life experience. They have access to endless information, but you can speak the truth about the meaning of life, love, and relationships. Having a long-term perspective on life, and hearing from you that things can and will get better, will alleviate the hopelessness they feel right now.

Share your perspective and put the brakes on sharing your opinion. Scripture tells us that “a fool delights in airing his opinion.” Your perspective gives a real-life observation that explains today’s happenings from a broader viewpoint that lets them know that life isn’t near as bad as it seems, and hope always prevails.

 

Listen Well

Listen to understand….not to respond. And know this. If you’re talking, you’re not listening. Another Proverb reminds us that “even a fool appears wise when they keep their mouth shut.” In your time with your teen, listen to their heart, and don’t just “hear” their words. Just as you would like for them to talk a little deeper with you, my encouragement would be that you listen a little a little deeper. Your teen wants to feel heard, understood, and loved. So create a specific time to talk to your teen, and not just share the same space.

Go out for a walk or a meal, and ask questions about what’s going on in his life. The goal is to find out what she’s thinking and what’s on her heart. You won’t get that information if you spend all the time telling your teen your opinions about what you think is happening in the world. The goal is to find out what is going on in their world.

Listen to what your teen is saying, without getting angry or correcting your teen when he says something you disagree with. Having someone who will compassionately listen is a remarkable relief valve for teens living in today’s stress-filled society. So instead, listen well and offer hope to your teen. You might just be surprised how significant you are in the life of your teen.

 

Laugh a Little

Sometimes we all just need to remember that things don’t have to be so serious all the time. Help your teen lighten up and laugh a little. However you can help your teen see the humor in life, whether through stories, actions, or some type of entertainment, laughter can, and does, bring a sense of connection, hope, and help build your relationship with your teen.

 

Quit being so serious. Laugh more.

 

Moms and Dads. Your teens need you. Regardless of where you live, how you live, or what you live in, teens are struggling and having a tough time in a world that has an amazing way of alienating them from the goodness of God and the godliness of family. You are the hedge that will protect them from a cruel world (and I’m not an anti-world kind of guy) and a beacon of hope that will encourage them to follow in your footsteps. “Don’t grow weary in doing good, my friend, for in due time, you will reap a harvest, if you do not give up.” Your role in your teen’s life is important, necessary, and crucial to their future success. So, take advantage of the time, listen well, spend time asking questions, laugh a little more, and give a perspective of life that encourages them to do the same. They desperately need your involvement in their life.

Author: Mark Gregston

Mark Gregston began working with teens more than 40 years ago as a youth minister and Young Life director. He has authored nearly two dozen books, has written hundreds of articles, and is host of the nationally-acclaimed Parenting Today’s Teens podcast and radio broadcast.