With cell phones and social media, teens today often communicate more with their fingers than their voices. There’s very little face-to-face communication. Here’s the problem: Direct interactions with other people provide a number of things that are necessary for teens to grow up and thrive. And without it, they may stay socially awkward.
Now hear me when I say this — I’m not calling your teen a dork, a dweeb, or quirky. But I am encouraging parents to make sure your teen fits in somewhere socially. When teens aren’t allowed or given permission to interact with others, they don’t learn social skills and they aren’t being prepared for the world they’re growing up in. In this article, I’ll share specific ways parents can help teens get the in-person interactions they need to avoid staying socially awkward.
Why Some Teens are Socially Awkward
Teens today spend a lot of time being entertained online, doing things alone — whether that’s looking at reels on social media, gaming online, or streaming videos. They’re consumed with screens because they carry around a little TV in their pocket. But when teens aren’t given the opportunity to learn social skills — like dealing with emotional pain, picking up on social cues in their comments and actions, and understanding how to engage with others — they miss out on crucial skills they need to thrive.
As parents, sometimes our tendency is to rescue teens from environments where they may be exposed to things we don’t want them to see, hurtful relationships, or even bullying. That’s a natural instinct, but if we rush in every time our teen get uncomfortable, they won’t know how to deal with life beyond their bedroom walls. There is something to be said for letting “iron sharpen iron” — for letting our teens bump up against each other and find out what’s acceptable and what’s not.
When parents come in and rescue teens from challenging social environments rather than letting them figure it out, teens tend to turn inward. They disengage and become fearful of those interactions rather than knowing how to deal with them. That leads to a lot of isolation, which isn’t good for anybody, much less teens who need to be social.
We don’t want our teens to be hurt, but we do want them to learn about resentment and how to deal with it, rejection and how to handle that, what happens when they don’t make it, and when they fail. If your teens spend all their time playing video games or consumed by media, they won’t experience “real life” and learn how to interact with others.
Practical Ways to Help Your Socially Awkward Teen
1. Keep your teen from isolating. Do everything you can to keep your teen from isolating. If they have a fear of being out in the real world, it’s only going to grow worse as they get older. They’ll stay in their own headspace with nobody else to challenge them or speak to them, shut out the rest of the world, and consume their time with anything that increases their dopamine levels — which is easiest to do with a screen in front of them. It’s going to lead to depression and anxiety, and that’s just a path you don’t want to go down.
2. Require social interaction. Ask or even require your teen to be involved in some type of social interaction with people their own age — sports, band at school, church, mission trips, summer camps, anything that engages them with other people. This way they learn what’s appropriate and what’s not appropriate.
3. Push them out of their comfort zone. This is your time as a parent to push them out of their comfort zone, even if it’s painful, to get them to a better spot. No teen wants to be a dork. I’ve never heard anybody say they really like being socially awkward. But I have heard teens say they wish someone would have walked alongside them to help them move away from being a misfit. Now is the time to help your teen become the person they want to be.
4. Provide opportunities for interaction. Your teen needs opportunities for social interaction, whether it’s talking to neighbors or engaging with strangers. They need to learn these skills. So, make them order at a restaurant, talk to people on the street, and remind them to say things like “hi,” “good morning,” “how are you?”, those are important social basics for these teens. Yeah, it’ll be awkward at first, but keep challenging your teen to grow in this critical area of life.
Important Questions for Parents
What type of social interactions are you modeling for your teen? Teens are watching all the time to see how you’re behaving. You may be a little awkward too, and that might need to be addressed. One of the challenges for any parent is that they may feel embarrassed about their teen’s lack of social skills as well. So if you’re embarrassed to bring up something that’s going to embarrass your teen, start the conversation like this: “Hey, I used to be like this” or “I did this thing that was socially unacceptable” or “I was kind of a dork when I handled this situation.”
What are you doing to help your teen connect well with others? If the answer is “nothing” then something needs to change today! Your teens need your help. They need the opportunity for interaction so they can develop the social skills necessary for their future.
Addressing the Root Issues
Sometimes teens become socially awkward because they’ve been too sheltered. When a teen grows up in a controlled environment with limited social exposure, then suddenly gets thrust into the real world in seventh or eighth grade, their normal curiosity combined with lack of experience can lead to poor choices as they try to figure out how to navigate relationships and social situations.
If you’ve isolated your teen thinking you could protect him from the world, your strategy may backfire when you discover that your teen hasn’t developed the skills to handle social complexity. Or your teen may hide things from you because they’re worried that you can’t handle the problems they’re facing. If your teen is leading a double life or hiding things from you, it may be rooted in this social awkwardness and isolation. They feel they can’t be themselves around you, so they create another persona with their peers. The solution isn’t more control — it’s helping them develop genuine social skills and creating an environment where they can be authentic.
Conclusion
Hey moms and dads … if your teen is socially awkward, they know it. In one regard, they may shame themselves and begin to be embarrassed for who they are, what they look like, or how they come across to others. Please don’t tell me that these things don’t matter and your teen shouldn’t care what other people think, because they do care, and it does matter. For the teen who is socially awkward and a little quirky, it may mean they need to break their habit of constant entertainment on the Internet and have some wonderful experiences engaging with people face to face.
If you don’t get them off the screen and involved with people, their ability to relate with others might be impaired. This is where training comes in, not only telling them to engage, but showing them how as they watch you in social interactions. So prepare them for the world that they’re going to be living in. Coach them in relationships, letting them know what is accepted socially and what is not, and do so in a non-shaming way. Train them to engage. Help them get ready to face the world with confidence.
