Your teen lives in a world filled with social media. There are good things about this and tough things too. In this article, I’ll answer questions from real parents about the benefits and drawbacks of social media and how to come alongside your teen in a social media world.

Question: “At first, connecting with friends on social media really helped my son not be so lonely. But now he is spending all his time glued to his phone. What boundaries would you suggest, while still allowing him to connect with friends in a healthy way?”

Answer: Most connections, groups, and events are planned and coordinated on social media these days and that’s not going to change anytime soon. While social media can be helpful, there are major drawbacks. To help your teen handle his social media use, without letting it control his life, set some boundaries. Create limits for younger teens and give more freedom to the older teens, all the while asking your teen to be more responsible. Consider setting a curfew for screen time, limiting social media use, or requiring teens participate in “screen-free” family events. Be creative and make it fun by planning regular, screen-free dinners or game nights. If your teen isn’t getting his other responsibilities done because of being glued to social media, simply enforce the consequences, such as losing phone time. To avoid bickering over the rules, be sure to make it clear what you expect and the consequences for breaking the rules in advance.

Question: “I think social media has something to do with my teen’s depression. How do I help her disengage from it and to recover?”

Answer: Every teen has a need to fit in and be accepted. But the connections they make online will never fulfill this need. Sometimes depression comes a lack of genuine connection and realizing life isn’t like the curated pictures online. Perhaps your child feels like she’s been lied to or led astray because life doesn’t look like the images she sees on social media. Help your teen by setting boundaries on social media, eliminating social media feeds that are sucking the life out of her, or taking a break from social media altogether. Just remember, if you are going to take away social media, you need to help your teen fill in that time. Don’t simply shut down social media and expect your teen to feel better. Require your teen to participate in healthy activities where she can make real friends and connect with like-minded people––such as youth group, extracurricular classes, or sports. For some teens, talking to a counselor may help sort through their feelings and discover new interests offline.

Question: “My daughter takes selfies all the time and posts them constantly. Is this a cultural behavior that is normal and I should overlook it? How can I put limits on how she broadcasts herself?”

Answer: Selfies have certainly become a part of modern culture. It is “normal” teenaged behavior, but that doesn’t mean you should endorse, encourage, or overlook it. Younger teens who post pictures and other personal information online are at serious risk. Wise parents will train teens to be aware of online predators, long-term consequences, and how to use social media. Older teens have more freedom online, but you can still help by keeping the lines of communication open. Be honest about what you expect––modesty, no seductive poses, and an honest representation. Talk about what you see and how it will impact them well beyond the teen years. Speak boldly with your teen to help her think about how her actions online will follow her wherever she goes.

Question: “How do I prepare my tween for a healthy relationship with social media?”

Answer: Before your tween gets a social media account, have conversations about the truthfulness of images they will see. Ask, “Is this true? Is it real life?” Help your tweens and younger teens consider the motives behind the commercial or the messaging. Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” You can help your teen to identify fantasy from real life. Talk through what comparison looks like and help combat it. Help your teen curate their feed, so they are not comparing themselves against unrealistic expectations that will lead to disappointment later in life.

Question: “How should my phone rules differ for a younger teen verses and older teen?”

Answer: Younger teens need lots of hands-on help in setting boundaries and curating a healthy feed. But older teens should have more freedom. The most important thing parents can do is keep the communication lines open. The influence you have is through your relationship. So make spending time with your teen––of any age––a priority. The goal is to eventually ween your teen off of your authority, but to stay connected through relationship. Eventually every teen becomes an adult, and they all need to learn how to handle social media on their own.

Conclusion

Hey moms and dads … the world of communication among teens has changed drastically. Information bombards their minds while wisdom eludes their hearts. Comparison with others replaces the confidence they once had as younger children. The demand for perfection starts to create a world of anxiety and depression––an online world where everyone spouts their opinions rather than listening to your teen’s heart. It’s a tough culture, but you can help by setting some boundaries for younger teens and giving more freedom to the older teens, all the while asking them to be more responsible. Your teens don’t need more information. However, they do need your wisdom about relationships and a place of rest. Just as Jesus said, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and you’ll find rest for your soul,” your home should be that place where they can refresh, restore, and be prepared to face the challenges of their culture.