Today’s teens live in a world saturated with sexual innuendo and seductive lifestyles, where outward appearance is all-important. I frequently hear from concerned parents whose teenaged girls want to dress too seductively. They wonder why teens are casting off modesty and embracing over-exposure. In this article, I’ll address these concerns and coach parents about how to uphold modesty with their teens.

Today’s Teens Face Overwhelming Exposure to Seductive Lifestyles

Teens are growing up in a culture based on “likes,” appearances, and shallow connections. The social pressure on young girls to look and act seductively is intense. In pursuit of their desire to be noticed, many teen girls will go to great lengths to get attention. They are encouraged to use their appearance to make connections in a culture that rarely takes the time to develop deep, authentic relationships based on qualities that aren’t superficial. Their image, appearance, and those crucial first impressions become the “currency” teens use to “buy” relationships with others.

A growing part of the problem for parents attempting to communicate their values is that the cultural definition of “modesty” has changed dramatically. When parents talk about dressing modestly, their daughters may roll their eyes and assume they are being required to cover up from their neck to their ankles! Modesty sound old-fashioned, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be out of fashion. Meanwhile, the trends and styles deemed acceptable by popular culture are highly sexualized. Seductive clothing and lifestyles are widely promoted as “normal” through social media, books, television, music videos, and movies. Getting on the same page is key to helping your daughter understand the “why” behind modesty.

4 Ways Parents Can Address Immodesty With Their Teens

Many moms, and most dads, feel uncomfortable addressing modesty with their teens. But, without restraint, you are setting your daughter up for failure. She needs you to lovingly guide her and help her understand why modesty is important––what is acceptable and what is not. She may not like it now, but one day she will appreciate your willingness to help her become the beautiful woman God created her to be.

1. Remain calm.

Sadly, I’ve heard parents say terrible, hurtful things in reaction to their daughter’s provocative clothing. You need to know that using harsh words will only push her away, and probably into the arms of someone who is ready and willing to take advantage of her vulnerability. Do not overreact to what your daughter is wearing or demean her for wanting to fit in. Remember, she is taking her cues from current trends. So take a deep breath and approach these moments with love and understanding. These conversations will likely unfold gradually over time, and that’s perfectly okay. Your calm, loving guidance will eventually help her develop confidence in making choices that align with fashion and your family’s values.

2. Affirm that modesty is a family value.

Don’t assume that your daughter knows what you mean by “modesty.” Be ready and willing to talk openly about your concerns and what “modesty” means in your family. Focus on promoting age-appropriate clothing, rather than putting down the current fashions trends. Let her know that it’s okay to be fashionable, but it is not okay to reveal so much skin that she loses her dignity, worth and self-respect. She may be surrounded by friends and a culture who do not share the same values, but you can and should affirm that modesty is your family value.

3. Establish clear, reasonable, and healthy boundaries.

It’s not enough to simply tell your daughter to “be modest.” You need to communicate that modesty will be enforced for her own good. She needs YOU to establish clear, reasonable, and healthy boundaries to keep her safe, as she develops her style and a sense of self-worth. Some teens will try to push the boundaries, and attempt to get away with as much as possible––that’s to be expected. Your job is to establish the rules, communicate what is and is not appropriate, and follow through on enforcing the rules.

4. Affirm her beauty and her worth.

Your daughter is looking for attention. But if she doesn’t get attention at home, then you can bet, she’ll go looking for it in other places. Take every opportunity to reinforce that she is a valued member of your family. Be sure to notice when she wears something flattering. Affirm her good choices. Moms, you may want to go shopping with your daughter to look at clothes and talk about fashion trends. Make it fun and make yourself available to gently steer her towards appropriate clothing that is flattering, without being flaunting. Dad, shower your daughter with compliments when she dresses appropriately. Your daughter longs to hear you say she’s beautiful in your eyes. Whether she shows it or not, she values your opinion so much!

Conclusion

I know you don’t want your daughter dressing like the world tells her to—wearing whatever she sees online or whatever’s trendy in the moment. Today’s culture is pushing girls to believe they have to show off their bodies to be noticed, and celebrities and influencers are constantly reinforcing that lie. This is exactly where a parent’s loving guidance is most needed.

If you don’t set boundaries, the world will. And without them, your daughter becomes far more vulnerable to those who prey on girls desperate for attention. Your role is to protect her—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

I’m all for letting your daughter know she’s beautiful—inside and out. But beauty is not about dressing like a sexual object or showing skin to get noticed. You’re raising a young woman who may one day be a wife, a mother, and a leader. The habits she forms now will shape her for years to come.

So set clear expectations. Draw the line on what’s acceptable and what’s not. She might push back now, but one day she’ll understand you weren’t holding her back—you were building her up into the beautiful woman of God she was created to be