We all want to give our children and grandchildren the best—whether it’s material gifts or experiences that shape their future. But this year, why not give them something that truly lasts a lifetime: the gift of a strong, healthy relationship with you? Of course, any meaningful relationship requires effort from both sides, and that includes your teen. In this article, I’ll share practical ways for moms, dads, and grandparents to build a deeper connection with their teens. You’ll also find tips on how to invite your teen to be a part of the process, so you can foster a lasting bond that will help them thrive for years to come. 

1. Notice Your Child 

Everyone wants to be noticed, especially teens. Attention is what teens are searching for on social media, at school, in sports, activities, and sometimes even when they’re acting out. They want someone to notice them and make them feel accepted and loved. If they don’t get your attention at home, they will go looking for it in other places. This may seem obvious. Of course you see your teen. But I’m talking about taking time to observe and talk to your teens in a way that makes them feel noticed. Watch how your child has grown since this time last year. Listen for the topics they’re bringing up and engage them in a discussion about the things that are on their mind. Make note of their worries and fears and opinions. Allow them to be different than they were when they were younger––they’re growing up! 

2. Allow Mistakes 

No one is perfect, and all relationships need room for mistakes—especially the one with your teen. Instead of reacting harshly when they mess up, try asking about it with genuine curiosity, free from sarcasm or judgment. In the pre-teen years, it’s natural for parents to correct errors and offer guidance. But as your teen matures, your role shifts. You no longer need to focus solely on correcting behavior; you become a source of wisdom, offering support through life’s challenges. If there are consequences for poor choices, let those unfold naturally.  

The key is to remain close, even when mistakes happen. If you pull away when they make a mistake, your ability to influence them diminishes. Instead, let your teen know that you love them, you enjoy being around them, and that you’re there to walk through tough times together. This creates space for them to think through their choices and encourages growth. Bottom line: Love your teen through their mistakes and use each moment as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. 

3. Value Relating More Than Winning  

As parents, we all want our teens to succeed. But in our effort to guide them and make sure they’re doing all the “right” things, we can sometimes lose sight of what matters most: their hearts. It might feel like a victory in the moment to assert your authority and win a battle, but if you haven’t won over your teen’s heart, it can create misunderstandings that will weigh down the relationship over time. It’s crucial to take the time now to understand your teen’s motivations, desires, and struggles—even if it means you don’t win every battle. By focusing on building a strong emotional connection, you’re more likely to guide them in a way that lasts and helps them thrive. 

4. Prioritize Time Together 

I can’t stress this enough—set aside regular time to be with your teen! While you’ll always be their parent, a close relationship requires intentional effort. Relationships are built through shared experiences, meaningful conversations, and one-on-one time together. Whether it’s going out for a meal, taking a walk, or grabbing ice cream, make time for those moments. And from time to time, let your teen choose the activity. Not every outing will lead to deep conversations or emotional breakthroughs, but the key is consistency. As you make time with your teen a priority, you’ll create a safe space for them. When they’re ready to open up, they’ll feel comfortable doing so because they know they have your undivided attention and support. 

Encouragement for Grandparents 

Grandparents can offer a special relationship with teens––one that can be extremely valuable. But this relationship does come with unique obstacles. Some grandparents live far away from their grandkids and others may not be physically able to interact with some of the activities that teens love. But don’t lose heart! You can find creative ways to build your relationship. First, in order to build a relationship with your grandkids and to share your wisdom, it’s imperative that you spend time together. Don’t wait for your grandkids to pick up the phone and call you. Rather, you should line up special experiences, conversations, and opportunities to interact with them. It may look like showing up to their events, taking them out for a meal, and simply spending time together. You can also Zoom, call, or text your teen grandkids to stay in communication. As you spend time experiencing life together, your grandkids can discover your wisdom, insight, understanding, and a deeper relationship with you. 

Conclusion 

Your teens were created for deep, meaningful relationships—with God and with others. They long for real connections with their peers and family. But in today’s world of social media and digital communication, they often lack the opportunities to develop these relationships in the same way you did when you were growing up. Just because your teen interacts with “friends” online doesn’t mean they’re truly connecting. In fact, it can be frustrating to invest so much relational energy into shallow friendships that don’t fulfill their need for true connection. This is why their relationship with you is so incredibly valuable. 

As their parent, you have the unique opportunity to model what a genuine, authentic, and unconditional relationship looks like. You can guide them as they grow into godly adults, teaching them about the importance of deep relationships and what healthy marriages should look like. Through your example, your teen gets a glimpse of the character of God, as they experience His love and grace through your relationship with them. In a world full of fleeting connections, you have the chance to offer your teen the relationship of a lifetime—a relationship that shapes their heart, their faith, and their future.