If you’re a mom or dad walking through a hard season with your teen right now, hope might feel like something other families get to have. You may be hearing a voice in your head saying: “Nothing’s going to change. This is just how it’s always going to be.” If left the fester, those messages will chip away at hope until there’s nothing left. I talk to plenty of parents in this spot. A dad once grabbed my arm and said, “Just tell me there’s hope for my daughter.” I told him what I’m about to tell you: There is always hope.

In this article, I’ll share four messages of hope for families walking through hard times and five ways to live in hope when you feel hopeless.

4 Messages of Hope for Hurting Families

How can parents remain hopeful and positive in the midst of a storm? It helps to remember a few basic truths that don’t change no matter how bad the moment feels.

1. You are what your teen needs.  Your teen doesn’t need a perfect parent. They need one who won’t quit in the middle of the mess. Walking through tough times with your teen can lead to a deeper relationship. Nobody signs up for conflict but conflict, is often the very thing that draws you closer. Your family may not look the way you expected right now. God’s healing rarely arrives wrapped the way you pictured it. But it’s still healing. Remember that everything that comes to you has first passed through the hands of God.

2. God is involved in your situation. You won’t find more hope by staring harder at the situation in front of you. In fact you can make things much worse by obsessing over every detail of your pain. Instead, look to God. Trust that there is more going on than what you can see. Maybe God is using the struggle in your family to change your teen. Or maybe He’s using it to change you. I’ve come to believe it’s usually both. Proverbs 16:9 says, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Your family’s path isn’t derailed because your teen’s choices weren’t part of your plan. God is still directing your story. Give it time.

3. Your relationship is worth it. God has placed your teen in your life for a reason. They are not a mistake. Relationships take time, effort, and intentionality. Your teen may be pushing you away with both hands, but don’t mistake a rough season for a ruined relationship. Keep showing up — at the dinner table, in the car, at the ballgame — even when all you get back is a grunt. What you invest today is laying the foundation for the relationship you’ll enjoy with your teen long after they’re grown.

4. There is always hope for restoration. What makes us feel hopeless is what we see — the diagnosis, the arrest, or the argument that won’t end. But faith is for what we can’t see. It’s trusting that God will redeem what we’ve committed to Him. Healing doesn’t come on your schedule. It comes in God’s sovereign timing. What’s happening right now is not the whole story. The whole story is up to God, and it is a lot bigger than whatever chapter you’re stuck in today.

5 Ways to Live in Hope When You Feel Hopeless

Believing that hope exists is one thing. Living like it’s true is another. I’ve worked with thousands of teens and gained some hard-won wisdom about how to hold onto hope even when you feel like giving up.

1. Don’t panic. You may feel like your life is a mess, and it may be, but I assure you every family goes through seasons like this, even the ones who look picture-perfect from the outside. Instead of becoming anxious, seek out support. Talk to other families who are struggling. Stepping outside of your own thoughts and opening up to someone else while help you to see that you are not alone and that you can make it through this difficult time.

2. Don’t disengage from your teen. Even in the hardest stretch, keep moving toward your teen instead of away. Don’t let bad behavior shrink your love for your teen. The moment your love starts to feel conditional, your teen will either pull away from you or start hiding things from you. Neither one helps. Instead let your teen know: There’s nothing you can do to make me love you more and nothing you can do to make me love you less.

3. Work to understand your teen. This is what shifts you from fighting against your teen to becoming part of the healing process. Engage in regular conversations with your teen where you just listen. Resist the urge to immediately correct or criticize your teen. If you launch into a lecture as soon as your teen opens his mouth, he will shut down and it will be harder to get him to open up the next time. Take time to think about your teen’s motivations. Then ask your teen thoughtful questions to gain a deeper understanding.

4. Offer hope to your teen, and the whole family. No family has ever sunk so far that restoration is off the table. I’ve seen healing happen in seemingly hopeless situations more times than I can count. I still haven’t found the bottom of what God can restore. Even when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, tell your family you’ll get through this together. That’s not blind optimism. It’s realism rooted in what your family is actually capable of, and trust that God will bring His plan to completion.

5. Put it all in God’s hands. Pray about it. Scripture says if we ask for wisdom, He’ll give it. If we ask for comfort, He’ll give that too. Faith is a long story. Whatever you’re facing with your teen probably isn’t a quick fix, and that’s okay. Stop trying to force a resolution and release it instead. A lot of the time, the beginning of hope is the moment you admit you can’t fix it yourself.

Conclusion

Hey moms, dads, and grandparents … going through a tough time with your teen is never easy. Sleepless nights, worry-filled weekends, and random outbursts are not what we would choose, but they are a part of the teenaged years for many families. But stay the course. These times are giving you the opportunity to enter into the most hurtful parts of your teen’s life and offer hope. Galatians 6:9 says: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. “

I pray the eyes of your heart may be filled with light: light to see beyond the darkness that feels like it’s engulfing you right now. God has a purpose. He is using these hard times to mold you into His image and draw your teen closer to Him. Trust the words of Psalm 147:11: “The Lord delights in those who fear Him and who put their hope in His unfailing love.”