Teens need a way to escape from the craziness of their day-to-day lives and if parents don’t provide healthy outlets, teens will find something on their own — and that something just might be marijuana. Research reveals that adolescent cannabis abuse in the U.S. has increased drastically by about 245% since the year 2000, even as alcohol abuse among teens has declined. A recent National Institute of Drug Abuse survey found that more than 7% of eighth graders and 25% of 12th graders reported using marijuana in the last 12 months. These statistics reflect a troubling reality many parents will eventually face. In this article, I’ll explain why teens turn to marijuana, and I’ll share how parents can help teens find healthier ways to cope with life.

Why Teens Might Use Marijuana

All behavior is goal oriented. If your teen has tried pot, or is using pot regularly, they’re doing it for a reason. They’re trying to get something out of it. Here are five common reasons teens turn to marijuana:

1. To combat depression. Depression among teens is increasing. A sense of hopelessness may cause teens to seek relief from places you’d never expect. Marijuana offers a temporary sense of happiness. It promises a quick escape from the dark cloud that follows depressed teens around.

2. To ease anxiety. The pressures of daily life can feel overwhelming for teens. Academic expectations, social media comparisons, peer pressure, and uncertainty about the future can create crushing anxiety. For a teen seeking to escape these pressures marijuana offers temporary relief.

3. To help them forget loss, trauma, or shame. Teens tell me that marijuana has a way of erasing hard memories and painful experiences. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, past trauma, or shame from poor choices, pot helps some teens numb the pain. Instead of processing difficult emotions in healthy ways, teens are medicating to avoid dealing with reality.

4. To fill the void of loneliness. Parents may think today’s teens have everything they want.  But that’s not what teens tell me. Many teens feel isolated and lonely, and they see pot as a way to fit in. For some teens, using pot is their ticket to social acceptance and a sense of belonging they’re not finding elsewhere.

5. To cope with feeling misunderstood or unloved. Many teens don’t feel heard or valued at home. They’re looking for something — anything — that will make them feel special and accepted,. When they don’t get those things at home, they will turn to substances that promise relief, even if it’s temporary and destructive.

The bright spot in all of this is that teens who are using pot are showing us they want something different. They’re not happy with where they are, so they’re using marijuana to get to some other place in their life. Our job is to help them find better ways to get there.

How Can Parents Help?

If your teen is turning to marijuana in order to get through the day, step in and help immediately. Here are several places to start:

1. Consider drug treatment. If your teen can’t function without marijuana — if they’re dependent on it daily just to make it through — it may be time to look into drug treatment. The younger they are, the more crucial early intervention becomes. This doesn’t necessarily mean a residential program, but these are available, if your teen needs a fresh start.

2. Get counseling. A teen who wants to be different is showing they want something different by smoking pot. Counseling can help them find healthier ways to cope and develop new skills to handle life’s pressures. Find a counselor who is knows how to connect with teens and who understands how to address drug use.

3. Look into support groups. If your teen is self-medicating with drugs, they may benefit from a group that will help them address the underlying problems. Support groups are also valuable for parents learning to navigate this challenging time. These groups help parents and teens learn healthier ways to cope with the stress of life, find out what other families are doing to get better, and figure out how to respond with both love and firm boundaries.

4. Set Boundaries and Consequences at Home. You can’t just sit back and let your teen use pot. If your teen refuses to see the counselor or go to treatment, you must set up consequences for their behavior. The consequences might include losing privileges or, in more serious cases, even changing their living situation temporarily. For older teens — 17 or 18 — you have less control, but you can still establish boundaries: “As long as you’re doing this, I can’t provide these things.”

5. Listen to your teen. Your teen is choosing to take pot for a reason—they want good things in their life — but they don’t know what’s “good” for them! This is where you get to come alongside them and help. Talk to your teen and listen to how your teen is struggling. Ask questions about their experience, their anxiety, or their loss. Respond with compassion, not condemnation. If you haven’t been a good listener in the past, start now. Tell your teen, “I’m listening to you, and I hear what you’re saying.” You can disagree with their choices while still hearing their heart.

Understanding the Real Issue

Here’s what I’ve learned from working with teens who use marijuana: Pot is rarely the main issue. It’s almost always a symptom of something deeper. Teens aren’t just smoking pot for fun—they’re escaping from something or searching for something they’re not finding. Maybe it’s anxiety, depression, loneliness, shame, or feeling unloved. Until you address those core issues, the drug use will continue, or resurface in other forms.

Don’t just focus on the pot. Focus on the “why” behind it. Ask yourself: What is my teen getting out of this behavior? What need are they trying to meet? What pain are they trying to escape? When you discover the real issue, you can help your teen find better ways to cope.

Be Compassionate, But Set Boundaries

Life can be hard and teens are looking for relief, but that doesn’t mean parents should approve of teens participating in something that’s illegal and detrimental to their development. Over time teens who habitually use pot become lazy, lose motivation, and don’t get what they want out of life. They become dependent on something outside themselves. Regardless of what people say, pot is a gateway drug to other things.

Parents and grandparents can respond with compassion while enforcing consequences. Let your teen know there’s nothing they can do to make you love them more, and nothing they can do to make you love them less. But also make it clear that you can’t allow them to use pot. Instead, establish clear boundaries and enforce reasonable consequences when those boundaries are crossed. Then use this opportunity to deepen your relationship and help your teen work through the real issues driving their behavior.

Conclusion

Hey moms, dads and grandparents … Sooner or later your teen will encounter marijuana. It’s not a question of if, but when it will happen. For many, it’s as early as middle school and others as late as their senior year when so many teens let their curiosity get the best of them. Whenever it is, my encouragement is that you would begin to talk to your teen about the impact of pot use early. Let your teen know that you’re on the lookout for any potential warning signs. The keep the conversation going by sharing your wisdom, what you’ve seen, what you’ve thought about through the years, and what you’ve experienced. Work hard to have that trusting relationship and determine what wisdom you have to share with them. Your teen needs your help navigating the challenges of life in a healthy way.