When was the last time you heard, “Thanks Mom, for helping me with this school project. That meant a lot!” Or, “Thanks so much for dinner, Dad. It was delicious!” We’re not parenting for the kudos, but wouldn’t it be nice to hear “thanks” once in a while?
It’s not impossible to train our teens to be grateful. But it does mean pushing back on an entitled generation. Many teens today are growing up with the belief that the world owes them everything—from college to cars to jobs and a comfortable, trouble-free lifestyle. No wonder our teens aren’t developing a sense of gratitude! As parents, we know that few things are handed to us on silver platters. We can’t allow our teens to grow up believing that they automatically deserve all the good things of life.
But above and beyond a sense of entitlement, we know that grateful people are happy people. We want our teens to appreciate all the blessings of life and find contentment with what they have, and not complain about what they don’t have. In this article, I’ll share how parents can create a thankful home.
Be Intentional
When I advocate for an attitude of gratitude in the home, I don’t exclude parents from the conversation. Teens don’t naturally pick up gratitude on their own. Parents must speak about thankfulness and demonstrate it as well. So instead of demanding gratitude from my family, first work towards modeling it.
Expressing our thanks can happen in a lot of different ways. Instead of complaining about your job, let your family know how grateful you are to be able to provide for them. After dinner, thank your spouse for their work in the kitchen. When your teen does a nice job washing the car, sincerely thank them for their hard work. When family comes over, be intentional about appreciating aunts and uncles, rather than talking about the ways family annoys you. When out in public, demonstrate appreciation and gratitude for your restaurant server, grocery store clerk, and others. Keep your eyes open for opportunities to genuinely model gratitude.
Be Consistent
If the only time we stop to say “thanks” is around the table at Thanksgiving, then our teens will never make gratitude a habit. It needs to be an everyday theme in our homes. But gratitude doesn’t have to be stiff or cheesy.
Sometimes on cold nights out here in Texas, I’ll go out and cut the power to the house, and the grandkids and I will grab candles, make a fire, build a fort, play games, cook some food, and talk about how great it is to have electricity. I tell you that those times with my grandkids have been some of the best moments I’ve had with them. Makes me wish I cut the power to the house more when my own kids were growing up!
You could take your teen on a trip and let them see how people in other countries live. Seeing firsthand the impoverished places of the world will definitely grow a sense of thankfulness in your teen for what they have in life.
Giving your teen work is the best gift you can give your teen, and one day, they will be grateful for it. A bald eagle will intentionally make her nest more and more uncomfortable as time goes by, to encourage her baby birds to fly the coop. With our teens, we should be making their responsibilities a little tougher every year to foster independence and a sense of thankfulness for what they have and what they’ve accomplished.
There are a million creative ways to get a teen to feel gratitude. You don’t have to make them write “thank you” cards or say five things they’re thankful for, but start exploring different ways to grow a heart of gratitude in your teen. You may hit on a family tradition of your own!
Be Sacrificial
If we’re serious about creating a thankful home, we may have to make some sacrifices along the way. Have you noticed that a lot of stuff on television is designed to tell you what you don’t have and why you should go out and buy it? Good marketing is built on dissatisfaction. From vacuum cleaners to fast food burgers, television wants to tell us about all the things we’re missing out on. So building a sense of gratitude may require cutting down on time around the tube, and doing something else with the family.
It also may mean scaling back on social media use. Studies show that social media is making us more unhappy. Heavy social media use makes us more envious. The more time teens spent browsing Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter the more envious they felt. It’s the result of social comparison which is pervasive in teen culture today.
Finally, you may need to limit how much “extra” you provide for your teens. Most parents love to shower their teens with gifts. It lets them see that smile they miss so much in the teen years. But showering teens with everything they want produces entitlement, not gratitude. It’s time to realize that our privileged teens may be creations of our own making.
I know with my own children, I crossed that dangerous line many times and gave them things that I shouldn’t. I thought I was loving them, but those extravagant gifts only reinforced their perception that I was obligated to fulfill every one of their desires. While I saw these good things as gifts, they saw them as rights.
It takes discipline to break our bad habits and to help our teens to do the same. But the more we limit the things that make us jealous, envious or unhappy with our lives, the more thankfulness has a chance to grow in our home.
Build Your Relationship
As parents, you do not owe your teens anything––except a relationship with you! I will often tell teens, “I want to give you everything, but I owe you nothing.” Of course, if we love our teens, we will meet their needs. But you are not obligated to buy your teen a car, fund their college, or pay their phone bills. By providing for every one of their needs and wants, we’re actually robbing our teens of gratitude and the ability to take care of themselves.
This is really what it’s all about. If you don’t have a good relationship with your teen, your efforts to instill gratitude will most likely be missed. Your relationship with your teen is the most important thing. When you have a solid relationship, you have the opportunity to speak into their lives about gratitude and see it take root.
Don’t Give Up!
Sometimes you have to wait a long time to hear the words “thank you” from your teen. But someday they’ll turn the corner. There’s hope! Even when you don’t hear gratitude from your teens now, keep modeling it, keep talking about it, and keep building that relationship. If you have an entitled teen at home, it’s time to make some changes—no matter what age. It’s not too late to start the conversation and make changes in your home.
Conclusion
Hey moms and dads … Let’s face it; parenting can be a thankless job. No one is running up to give you a pat on the back every day. But if you can show a thankful heart, your teens may recognize it and eventually pick it up as well.
By modeling thankfulness, sacrificing those things that steal gratitude away, being creative with how we show appreciation, and refraining from meeting every one of your teen’s needs, you can make sure your teen has a long list of reasons to be thankful.
Building gratitude takes intentionality, consistency, sacrifice, and relationship. It won’t happen overnight, but as you work towards creating a thankful home, you’ll see your teen begin to develop an attitude of gratitude that will serve them well for the rest of their lives.
