One-on-one time with your teen is essential for building a strong relational foundation. But how can you make the most of the time you spend together? If you’ve felt like your recent time together hasn’t been as meaningful as you’d like, don’t worry—I’ve got you covered. In this article, I’ll share a few valuable tips on how to have quality time with your teen.

1. Know What to Expect

Ever make BIG plans with your family, only to feel disappointed when things don’t work out exactly the way you planned? We all have. Part of building successful time with your teen is setting reasonable expectations. At the beginning, you may not get that big of a response from your teen. You may even need to require your teen join you or offer an incentive––like taking them out for a meal or a treat. Yeah, it sounds like bribery. But what you’re “buying” is precious time with your teen; and your teen is getting valuable wisdom and a relationship with you in return––whether they know it or not!

As you establish one-on-one time as part of your regular routine, remember that a little response is better than no response. Not every get-together will be deep and meaningful. But eventually your teen will see that your heart is in this and that you really want to know what they think. Give it time. In time, your teen will realize that spending time with you is where they want to be.

2. Know What Your Teen Wants

Believe it or not, your teen really does want to hear from you, even if they don’t always show it. But what they don’t want to hear is just your opinions. They’re already hearing people talk at them all day—at school, online, and even at home. So give them a break. Proverbs 18:2 says, “Fools find no pleasure in understanding, but delight in airing their own opinions.”

Remember, your time together isn’t about cramming your ideas into your teen’s head. What they truly want is your perspective. This means sharing your lived experiences and the personal lens through which you view the world, rather than simply offering judgment on specific topics. Your perspective brings wisdom and helps your teen understand why you think the way you do.

And one more thing—your teen also wants someone to listen to them. You don’t need to talk all the time. So, listen up! One of the goals of regular one-on-one time is to stimulate more meaningful conversations. As you engage in these discussions, you’ll learn more about each other’s hearts.

3. Ask Good Questions

A good question requires your teen to provide more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Be prepared to ask questions that stimulate your teen’s thoughts. Don’t shy away from hard questions, and don’t make any topic off limits. Afterall you want to hear what your teen is really thinking. What your teen needs is a reliable person to help them work through their ideas. But also, ask questions that are fun. Not every discussion needs to be deep. Here are some fun questions to get the conversation started: Who do you think is the most talented musician ever? Will you still listen to this artist in 10 years? Do you think dogs hear everything we say? What do they think about us? When is a friend a real friend, and when is one not? What talent would you like to have that you don’t? You get the idea! These kinds of questions can open the door to great conversations and help you connect in a light-hearted way.

4. Respond Thoughtfully

When your teen answers your questions, listen with the “ears” of your heart. Don’t correct them, interrupt them, or overreact if they say something silly, provocative, or even wrong. Instead, ask another question to clarify or to dig a little deeper. As you’re speaking, also be mindful of your body language. Put down your phone, eliminate distractions, look your teen in the eye, and use your whole body to show that you’re open and ready to talk. By doing this, you’ll create a safe space for your teen to open up, rather than shutting the conversation down.

5. Meet Together Often

A great relationship doesn’t develop overnight—it takes time and consistency. Your one-on-one time with your teen should be a regular event. I recommend choosing a time or activity that you can schedule every week. Pick something you both enjoy, or perhaps something your teen is passionate about. For example, you could make it a tradition to visit a different pizza restaurant every week to find the best pizza in town. Or set a goal to hike all the local trails together. You could even work on a fix-it project, tackling it little by little over time. Whatever you choose, make sure your time together is consistent. It’s the regular, shared moments that help strengthen your bond.

A Special Note for Grandparents

If you want to stay connected with your grandchild during their teenage years, it’s important to make time to be together. As their social circles expand, teens often start to distance themselves from relationships they see as less relevant. To remain close, set regular times to get together. You could pick up your grandteen from school, attend their sports events, or take them out to eat. By taking the initiative to create regular one-on-one time, you’ll have opportunities to speak into their life when they need you the most.

Conclusion

Your teens are bombarded daily with “followers,” “likes,” “friends,” and “shares.” Never before has a generation had so many people surrounding them, yet so few meaningful relationships. This is where you come in. You have the opportunity to engage with your teen on a deeper level and help them understand what a real relationship looks like.

They need your depth more than your constant correction. They need your wisdom far more than they need more information. And they need your listening ear, not the next great lesson you want to teach them.

They need you. Your relationship will blossom when you both carve out time in your busy schedules to sit down together, eat some ice cream, drink some coffee, and listen to your teen’s heart. You’ll be amazed at how much they long to spend time with someone who is truly committed to one-on-one connection.