Parents ask me all the time: “How should I talk to my teen about sex?” It’s one of those questions that makes even the most confident parents squirm. But this conversation is too important to avoid. You can’t delay “the talk” until they’re “ready”––since readiness isn’t something you can control or predict.

Trust me, your teen is already learning about sex whether you’re part of that education or not. The question isn’t whether they’ll be exposed to sexual content, but whether you’ll participate in helping your teen process what they’re learning through a lens of biblical truth and God’s design for sex and marriage. Every day you wait is another day your teens are forming their understanding without your input. In this article, I’ll help you figure out when and how to talk to your teens about sex.

When Should You Talk About Sex?

The answer to “When should you talk to your teen about sex?” is––when they ask. But they probably won’t ask outright. Most teens won’t say, “Hey Mom and Dad, can we talk about sex?” Instead, they’ll drop subtle hints or ask some seemingly unrelated questions. Your job is to create an atmosphere at home in advance that gives your teen permission to ask questions, and to feel comfortable getting information from you. Here are some guidelines for when to talk to your teen about sex.

• Don’t assume your teen is “innocent.” By age 13 most teens have been exposed to sexual content through friends, movies, social media, or the internet. Your role is to help your teen process what they’ve already learned through a biblical perspective. It is important to share an accurate and godly view of sex, if you want your teen to have the right perspective.

• Know that your teen is trying to figure it out. Your teens may not overtly tell you that they’re curious about sex, but they are. So consider having age-appropriate books about sex available at home. Put a reliable resource in their room. You might be surprised that teens will seek out this information when they feel safe. Having vetted resources that align with your values available gives teens a better alternative than unreliable internet sources.

• Natural moments open doors. For daughters, the conversation often begins when they start their period. For sons, physical changes and exposure to pornography through friends creates teachable moments. Make sure you are a safe space for them to come to when these natural moments happen. If you show your willingness to listen, it’s more likely that your teen will want to share these important moments with you, instead of hiding them.

• A formal “sit down” talk about sex isn’t necessary. Instead of an awkward conversation, what your teen desperately needs is a life lived alongside them as they transition into young men and women. Engage your teen in ongoing conversations about relationships, dating, and the opposite sex throughout the teen years.

How Should You Talk About Sex?

In today’s digital world, teens encounter sexual content earlier and more frequently than previous generations. They’re getting information from friends, social media, movies, and often accidental internet exposure. Your role isn’t to shield them from all exposure—that’s nearly impossible—but to provide context, clarity, and a healthy understanding. The goal is to become their trusted source for truth, before misinformation takes root. Here are some helpful ways to talk to your teen about sex.

• Make yourself available to talk about anything. Let your teen know that no topic is “off-limits.” If you create a stigma around certain topics by ignoring them or making them feel uncomfortable, your teen won’t feel safe to come to you with questions. Teens can sense when parents are inauthentic, uncomfortable, or giving scripted answers. So share your perspective honestly and openly, in an age-appropriate manner.

• Don’t ignore opportunities. When your teen brings up relationships or asks questions about sex, drop everything and engage. Give your full attention so that your teen knows that you prioritize your relationship. These moments often come at inconvenient times––when you are working or late at night––but how you respond to these unplanned opportunities will determine whether you’ll be included in the bigger conversations in the future.

• Create a relaxed atmosphere at home. Candid conversations only happen when teens feel safe. If you approach an important conversation, like sex, from a place of judgment, then your teen will shut down. If they say something stupid or strange, don’t immediately correct them. Let them talk. Then encourage more discussion by saying: “Help me understand what you mean,” or “Tell me more about that”.

• Use humor, when appropriate. Sometimes laughter breaks the tension and makes uncomfortable topics more approachable. It can break some of the awkwardness that naturally surrounds topics like sex. However, be careful not to use humor to deflect serious questions or make light of your teen’s genuine concerns.

What Your Teen Really Needs

This culture has confused what sex is really about. Your teen does not need a clinical lesson or a fear-based lecture about the dangers of sex. But they do need a parent who is willing to set a good example––someone who will help them understand God’s design for sex and marriage.

Beyond just information, your teen needs you to model how to have healthy relationships, how to understand the emotional components of sexuality, and a parent who encourages critical thinking skills to evaluate the messages they encounter daily. Remember that conversations about sex are really conversations about relationships, respect, communication, and love.

Conclusion

Your teen knows a lot more than you think. They’ve learned quite a bit from their surroundings. Today’s teens are growing up in a promiscuous culture where sex is freely talked about and concepts of modesty have changed dramatically since you were a teen. Internet, social media, and movies have exposed your teen to one side of sex, but has also likely confused their understanding.

A specific talk about sex is probably not needed. They don’t need a class in anatomy or physiology. But there is something that your teen desperately needs––a godly parent who is not afraid to offer a biblical perspective on how God has designed sex and marriage. Your teen needs you to help transform what they “think” they know, by sharing what you’ve learned.

Make yourself available to talk about anything through everyday discussions about relationships, what it means to be faithful to a spouse, and how it all plays out in a world that has confused God’s design.