More and more teens are dropping out of church. Nearly two-thirds of teens raised in Christian homes will stop attending church in their twenties, according to Barna. That’s bad news for parents of today’s teens. But the good news is that a majority of them come back in their thirties.

Here’s the catch. The twenty-something years are when they typically begin a life on their own, get a job, meet a spouse, and start to have kids. Some call it the “defining decade”. So what can parents do to help their teens remain committed to the principles and biblical values throughout these crucial years of development?

As a parent, one of the most challenging transitions you’ll face is helping your teen develop ownership of their own faith. It’s terrifying to loosen your grip on something so important. But if you don’t intentionally transfer spiritual responsibility to your teens while they’re still at home, you risk them using your spiritual desires as a tool to rebel against you to prove their independence. In this article I want to help you understand the stages of faith development in teens and how to encourage your teens to take ownership of their faith, while you still have influence in their lives.

Stages of Faith Development 

The goal is simple: teach, train, and transfer faith to your teen. This process requires intentionality, timing, and trusting in God’s work in your teen’s life.

1. Teach in the Early Pre-Teen Years. During the pre-teen years, your role is primarily that of a teacher. This is when you lay the foundation by sharing Bible stories, establishing family devotions, and explaining why faith matters to your family. Showing your child through your actions, that faith is a central part of your life will be crucial to shaping their own faith journey.
2. Train in the Teen Years. As your child enters adolescence, your role shifts to “trainer”. This is when you provide opportunities for them to experience faith through mission trips, youth group, church activities, Bible studies, and extracurricular Christian groups. By involving them in activities with other like-minded teens and mentors, you provide a strong support system to help your teens as they begin to question their faith. Having a mature, Christian mentor––like a youth group leader––can be a great outlet for teens to talk to and build trust.
3. Transfer in the Late Teen Years. During the later teen years, you begin transferring ownership of spiritual decisions to your teen. Let them start making decisions about what they participate in, whether they go to church, or choose to do nothing. Most parents struggle to let go of control at this stage. But wouldn’t you rather give your teen the reins while they’re still at home, when you have influence? Personal responsibility is a crucial step in taking ownership of their faith.

Giving Teens Ownership At the Right Age

Understanding how to slowly ease your teen into taking ownership of their faith at different life stages can help set them up on the path to success:

1. Age 13 to 15: Full Participation. During these years, teens should participate in spiritual activities while you explain the purpose and help them understand why these things matter. Showing your teen that being involved in church is foundational to your faith will help them see the importance of this community later in life.
2. Age 16: Strategic Choices. Church and youth group remain non-negotiable, but they get to decide whether they’re involved in other activities like mission trips, Bible studies, or Christian clubs.
3. Ages 17 to 18: Primary Ownership. Let them decide about going to church and what their involvement is going to be. This may be the best time for either Dad or Mom to take their teen out weekly for a special meal to discuss and ask questions that might provoke their thinking and allow them to start embracing their own faith. The goal is spiritual ownership, not spiritual control. You don’t want your teen to cling to faith because they are afraid of disappointing you.
4. College/Young Adult Years. Teens are busy the first semester away, so don’t expect them to find a church until they can settle into their new environment. Don’t beat them up when they come home for break at Thanksgiving or Christmas and they still don’t have their college life all together yet. At this time of life, your child needs your encouragement and support to make their own decisions.

Encouragement for Parents Navigating Their Teen’s Faith Transfer

As you hand over the responsibility of faith to your teen, there are still things you can do to help. Here’s how to do it successfully.

1. Give teens room to question. Let your teen challenge their beliefs while they’re still under your roof, and while you can still be a voice of truth. Create space for honest conversations without trying to minimize their doubts or struggles. By addressing these questions early, your teen won’t feel overwhelmed later one when they encounter many different worldviews.
2. Avoid Making Faith a Rebellion Tool. Don’t let your teen use your spiritual desires as a tool against you to prove that they’re independent and can make their own decisions. When you take steps to hand over age-appropriate ownership, their faith becomes their own rather than something to rebel against.
3. Be Patient with the Process. Faith development takes time. Many teens don’t fully embrace personal faith until their twenties. Your job is to remain a consistent source of love and support through all the seasons of their spiritual journey.

Conclusion

I want to encourage you to believe what Scripture says in Philippians 1:6: “And I am certain that God, who began a good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished.” Whatever good work God starts, He will finish it. This is a timeless truth you can hold onto, especially when your teen seems to be walking away.

During the teen years, it’s crucial to begin allowing your teen to take responsibility for their own faith and letting them make some of their own spiritual decisions. By teaching and training them up in the way they should go, then letting them go, you are setting your teen up to take ownership of their faith, and giving God room to work in your teen’s life.

As a parent, your goal is to help teach your teens to fly so that one day they can leave the nest and thrive on their own. When you try to control their spiritual life you’re clipping their wings, making it more likely they will turn away when given the opportunity. Instead, give your teen a godly example, give them ownership of their faith, and leave the rest up to God to finish His good work.