It can feel like there’s no end to the list of things teens want. But what do they truly need? Today’s teens have a wide range of interests, passions, talents, and dreams. Yet, no matter how different they may seem, they all share some common needs. The challenge is that they often have a hard time recognizing or expressing what matters most. In this article, I’m going to uncover the four things every teen craves—things they won’t tell you. Spoiler alert: These aren’t the items on their Amazon wish list!
1. A Relationship With You
When everything is going smoothly and your teen is meeting your expectations, they might not fully appreciate the strong bond you share. In fact, they may even feel like they deserve the positive relationship. But when they’re struggling to fit in or falling short of your standards, that’s when they’ll crave a deeper connection with you. If your relationship could use some strengthening, it’s time to prioritize quality, intentional time together. You can’t rush a relationship with your teen—it takes time and consistent effort.
Your relationship with your teen is the cornerstone of everything else in their life. When that foundation is solid, you have a better chance of guiding them with wisdom when they need it most. Don’t let the years slip by without nurturing this connection. Set aside regular time for meaningful conversations, and ask open-ended questions that invite more than a simple “yes” or “no.” It’s your responsibility to initiate these discussions—don’t wait for your teen to bring things up. Instead, ask them, and then, most importantly, listen. By creating a safe space for them to express themselves, you’re building the foundation for a deeper, more meaningful relationship.
2. Love and Acceptance.
Remember that feeling of walking into a new school or class for the first time? The uncertainty, the sense of being an outsider, and the feeling that everyone is staring at you? That’s exactly where your teen is right now. They’re craving unconditional love and the sense of belonging. If they don’t get these things from you, they’ll start searching for them elsewhere—and that could lead them down paths you don’t want them to take.
If you’re ever unsure whether your teen knows how much you care, remind them with a phrase I love: “There’s nothing you can do to make me love you more, and nothing you can do to make me love you less.” This is the kind of unconditional love God shows us, and it’s exactly what your teen needs. I know it can be tough—especially when your teen is acting out—but don’t pull away. It’s tempting, I get it. When they’ve hurt you or violated your values, showing love may feel like the last thing you want to do. But that’s when they need it most. Your love and acceptance are the foundation they need to feel secure, even when they stumble. Don’t ever withhold it.
3. A Place of Rest
Teens are bombarded with negativity all day—whether it’s at school or on social media. When they come home, they need a safe space to unwind and recharge. That’s hard to do if Mom and Dad are immediately launching into lectures or nagging the moment they walk in the door. It’s time to ease up on the criticism. Instead, let’s make your home a refuge from the chaos, not another place to add to it! Focus on creating opportunities for laughter, fun, and quality family time. Let your home be a place where your teen can relax and feel supported, not more stressed.
4. A Sense of Value
When teens feel valued and filled with purpose, it builds their self-esteem and helps them have the confidence to make good choices. Being valued at home helps a teenager maintain their own sense of self-worth—and makes them less willing to accept mistreatment by peers, boyfriends, girlfriends, and online. Teens who feel like an important part of their family unit will be empowered to say, “no” to their peers, avoid drug use, hold off on premarital sex, and other destructive behaviors. Reminding them that their value is not based on performance at school, at home, or acceptance by their peers builds that sense of value. Afterall your teen has intrinsic God-given value and purpose. Your job is to communicate that value to your teen in a way that they can feel.
The best way to make your teen feel truly valued is by simply spending time together. I can’t emphasize this enough—time is the most precious gift you can give them! Ask questions, listen to their thoughts, and let them share their opinions without immediately correcting or criticizing—even if what they say seems out there. It shows them you respect their perspective. Instead of reacting to the wild things they might say, lean in with curiosity. Try something like, “Tell me more about that.” By genuinely listening, you’re giving your teen the sense of worth and validation they crave.
Conclusion
The teen who walks into your kitchen every morning is just like every other teen in the world—they may not always be able to put it into words, but they deeply crave a relationship with their parents that’s filled with love and acceptance. They want a place where they can rest and feel valued. It doesn’t always need to be said aloud—it’s something every teen needs, even if they can’t articulate it. If they can’t find that sense of connection and belonging at home, they’ll start seeking it elsewhere.
The truth is, they don’t need anything they don’t already have. If they receive love, acceptance, and value at home, they won’t search for it in other places. But if they don’t get it from you and your family, they’ll go to great lengths to find it elsewhere—and that could lead them down a dangerous path.
Be the one to create that safe, loving atmosphere. Build a space where they can truly rest and feel valued. Show them love like only you can and let them know they’re worth more than anything. When you do that, you’ll give them the foundation they need to thrive, both now and in the future.
