Many parents grew up in an age of peace rallies and tie-dye shirts. But while peace is a worthy pursuit, let’s not forget the value of conflict! On this weekend’s edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston invites special guest Mike Fabarez to discuss why we should embrace pain… not avoid it!
How to parent your teen
Radio Broadcast Archives
What to do when you are a single parent
What to do when your adopted teen is struggling
What to do when your teen has problems at school
What to do when your teen is addicted to their cell phone
What to do when your teen is angry
What to do when your teen is being bullied
What to do when your teen is depressed
What to do when your teen is drinking
What to do when your teen is having sex
What to do when your teen is not respecting authority
What to do when your teen is struggling with a divorce
What to do when your teen is struggling with friendships
What to do when your teen is struggling with suicidal thoughts
What to do when your teen is struggling with the internet
What to do when your teen is struggling with their faith
What to do when your teen is struggling with video games
What to do when your teen is using drugs
What to do when your teen isn't listening
What to do when your teen needs direction
What to do when your teen needs help
What to do with older teens
HALF-HOUR PODCAST SUMMARY:
It’s still early in the year, but most likely you’ve already lost the restful holiday pace. Life gets busy! On this edition of Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston reviews the packed schedules of parents and teens, and considers the benefits of creating a restful home.
“But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find the baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manager.’ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.’” ~ Luke 2:10-14
Have you ever wanted to have that Norman Rockwell kind of Christmas? The type of holiday where the relatives visit with smiles and hugs, the kids are pleasant and happy, the Christmas dinner looks like something from a gourmet magazine and everywhere you look there is peace and harmony?
Maybe you desire a perfect “Christmas card” holiday because your Christmases resemble something more like the painting The Scream. Emotions run high as you try to mend fences with the family, cope with a struggling teenager, purchase gifts in time and get through Christmas without killing anyone. But let’s face it—no one’s holidays are perfect. Just because it’s the twelfth month on the calendar doesn’t mean that all the problems of the year melt away like the snow. But while it’s not possible to have a picture-perfect Christmas, it is possible to make this season better than the last.
Start A Tradition
What are the Christmas traditions in your family? If you can’t think of anything other than Aunt Ethel yelling at Uncle Joe, or you burning the Christmas dinner, then it’s time to start some brand new traditions. They don’t have to be elaborate or costly. My family and I started a tradition of working on a puzzle together during the holidays (of course, I’m the one that always has to finish it). Sure, it’s a little bit nerdy, but it has become a cherished custom that brings us all together each year.
Consider starting a tradition of cutting down the family Christmas tree, walking through the neighborhood to look at Christmas lights or throwing a holiday party for your kid’s friends and their parents. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it involves the entire family and allows you to relax, have fun and enjoy being together.
Write a Christmas Blessing
The Christmas season is an opportunity to lay aside the grudges of the past year and embrace peace. If you want to make this Christmas worth remembering, take a break from the shopping and decorating to write out a blessing for everyone in your family. It’s a meaningful gesture I learned from my friend John Trent. Start by writing three paragraphs about someone in the family, whether it’s a spouse, a child or even your extended family. The first paragraph should focus on a character quality that you admire. You could say, “Son, I noticed how easily you make friends, and it is amazing to see. You truly have a gift for connecting with people.”
The second paragraph should be about a trial that the person is dealing with currently, or has struggled through. An example would be, “Honey, I know that you have been dealing with some mean girls at school, and I want to say how proud I am of how you’re dealing with them. It’s been a struggle, but this year I’ve seen you really mature and grow in spite of cruel comments.”
The third and final paragraph should include your prayer for that person’s future. Let them know what you’re asking God to do for them in the coming year. You could write, “My prayer for you this year is that you would experience God’s love in whole new way, that you would stay away from things that could hurt you, and that you would discover the strength of God in your life!”
Then, at dinner one night, hand your Christmas blessing to each person and see if it doesn’t strengthen your relationships this season.
Find the Joy
I know Christmas can be a difficult season for many people. Maybe it brings up painful memories. Or perhaps the season is already so far removed from “good” that you can’t imagine it any different. I may not know the exact problems you face this holiday, but I can tell you that it’s still possible to rejoice this Christmas. Even though it is hard, strive to find the joy in your circumstances. Be thankful for the family God has given you. Find happiness in the love of God and the birth of His Son. Discover peace in knowing that God has brought you to the end of another year all in one piece.
Our attitude will make the difference between experiencing a wonderful Christmas and dragging ourselves through another miserable holiday. So reflect on all the good in your life this holiday, and stop dwelling on the negative.
Focus on the Experience
I think we can all agree that Christmas gifts receive a little more attention than they really deserve. Last year alone, Americans spent $563 billion dollars during the holidays. All this materialism is definitely getting out of control! But Christmas is not about the presents; it’s about living in the present. It’s all about enjoying the experience of the season.
I can’t remember what I got for Christmas when I was a kid. But I can relate in detail all the wonderful memories and experiences I had growing up with my family. Those are the things we remember and take with us. Just look at the gift God gave us. It wasn’t anything material. It was the person of Jesus Christ, who now offers us a meaningful relationship with Him and the Father.
I’m not saying we should throw the presents out the window, but I am saying that great Christmases aren’t about the gifts under the tree. Instead, it’s about time together. Maybe you’ll choose to sit around the fire, drink hot chocolate and share stories. You’ll take a trip to the grandparents, and sled down the nearby hill. This year, look to experience the season with your kids, not with toys or money but with memories that last a lifetime.
End the Year Well
It’s a common saying, but it’s so true: “It’s not how you start that matters—It’s how you finish.” This year may have started off poorly. But now you have an opportunity to end the year on a high note. So make the time count. Offer forgiveness to that child who has been breaking your heart this year. Seek peace with the family member that has hurt you. Defuse the problems in your home instead of escalating them. Overlook offenses in the spirit of Christmas. End the year on a better footing than you started. It will make for a happier, more peaceful Christmas, and may even carry you into the next year!
I understand that the Christmas season is a chaotic time full of stress and anxiety and maybe a few family issues, as well. But it doesn’t have to ruin our celebration. You can make this a better holiday than years past. It will take some effort, but the result is a lasting memory of a peaceful, loving and happy Christmas with your family.
From all of us here at Parenting Today’s Teens, wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas!
A special message from Mark
I do hope and pray that this Christmas season is a wonderful time of celebration and reflection for you and your family. It’s a special time for all of us at Parenting Today’s Teens, and the only time that we ask folks to partner with us financially to help support our work with teens and families. If these newsletters, or any of the Parenting Today’s Teens resources have been beneficial to you, would you consider a gift to our ministry in your year-end giving? You can do so by clicking here.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and director of Heartlight, located in Hallsville, Texas. For more information and helpful resources for moms and dads, check out our website. It’s filled with ideas and tools to help you become a more effective parent. Go to www.heartlightministries.org. Or read other helpful articles by Mark, at www.markgregston.com. You can also call Heartlight directly at (903) 668-2173. Hear the Parenting Today’s Teens broadcast on a radio station near you, or download the podcast at www.parentingtodaysteens.org.