Teenagers go through normal turmoil in their emotions as they mature. But some have other factors that lead to unnatural problems that can be severe and may require outside help. As a first step for concerned parents, our Troubled Teen Assessment Tool can be a helpful exercise. It is a simple evaluation of where the child is in the spin of things, based on our experience with thousands of struggling teenagers over the years.
Is your family experiencing the storms of a teenager out of control? Are you walking on pins and needles around your teen? Does it sometimes seem like he or she has suddenly been taken over by aliens (well, not literally)?
Every day I hear from dozens of frustrated parents who share how their once normal and happy child is now dangerously out of control — abusing drugs or alcohol, lying, stealing, cutting, or engaging in other destructive or disturbing behavior. They talk about how it has disrupted their home and how they fear for their child’s future and very life. “My child is no longer who she used to be,” is an often repeated cry from these parents.
If you feel that your teen is on an unhealthy downward spiral, you can take this assessment. Just rank the symptoms you are experiencing, on a scale from 0 to 5 depending on their severity. And ask other family members to do the same, then compare notes. You may find that your teen is exhibiting somewhat normal adolescent behavior, or that he or she needs more help than you alone can provide.
THE TROUBLED TEENAGER ASSESSMENT
Our Family is Under Stress from Our Teen’s Behavior
Does your teen refuse to abide by anything you say or request, leading to a constant high level of stress and conflict in the home as a direct result? Does your stress meter go up whenever he or she walks into the room?
0—-1—-2—-3—-4—-5
Never….Often….Always
We’ve Seen Changes in Our Teen’s Motivation
Is your child displaying markedly different motivation from what has been normal? For instance: sleeping too little or too long, extreme forgetfulness, either over aggression and explosiveness or depression and an uncaring attitude, anxiety or sadness, grades slipping and not turning in homework, hating what they once loved or loving what they once hated, or spending too much time alone?
0—-1—-2—-3—-4—-5
Never….Often….Always
Our Teenager is Increasingly Disrespectful and Uncaring
Has your child become increasingly disrespectful, dishonest, or disobedient, openly displaying rebellion, no longer hiding his or her feelings or caring about the consequences? Is your teen living only for the moment and not caring about the future as he or she once did?
0—-1—-2—-3—-4—-5
Never….Often….Always
We See Significant Rebellion or Defiance from Our Teenager
Is there profound rebellion toward your boundaries and the rules of the home? This may appear in passive aggressiveness or open defiance that is unusually excessive for your child.
0—-1—-2—-3—-4—-5
Never….Often….Always
Our Teenager is Threatening and Acting Out Troubling Behaviors
Are there veiled or outright threats of suicide, or engaging in self-mutilation, eating disorders, cutting or other self-destructive activities? Does he or she participate in excessive risk-taking, dangerous drug use or blatant sexual promiscuity. Is a once healthy conscience or moral compass seemingly lost?
0—-1—-2—-3—-4—-5
Never….Often….Always
We Also See Him/Her Mistreat Others
Does your teen treat people, pets, or belongings in a threatening or out of control manner? Do you have to hide or disconnect the internet, telephone, television in order to stop your teen from blatantly and repeatedly using them inappropriately? Are things of value broken or lost by the teen with a uncaring attitude about it. Have you had occasion to consider hiding your wallet, your keys, and anything having to do with money or valuables out of fear your teen may take them?
0—-1—-2—-3—-4—-5
Never….Often….Always
He/She Has Selfish or Self-Centered Thinking
Does your child think he or she is the center of your family (or the universe), show blatant disregard for other family members’ time, feelings, schedule, or possessions? Is manipulation or threats used as a tool to get what he or she wants?
0—-1—-2—-3—-4—-5
Never….Often….Always
Our Teen Refuses to Participate with the Family
Does your child refuse to participate or do anything with the family, or display a growing hatred for the family? Is there constant conflict with one family member or another?
0—-1—-2—-3—-4—-5
Never….Often….Always
We’re Seeing Extreme Peer-Dependent Attitudes
Are peers the center of your child’s life? Is it nearly impossible to keep your child away from peers who are obviously leading a lifestyle counter to your beliefs? Do you see your child buying into their attitudes and taking on their appearance, their talk, and their dangerous or illegal activities? Does your teen stay up most of the night taking calls from friends or sneak out or run away to be with them?
0—-1—-2—-3—-4—-5
Never….Often….Always
TOTAL SCORE: ____________
SCORING: If your assessment score is 25 or more, you should consider getting immediate help.
There comes a time when a parent needs to say to such a teenager, “Honey, we’re not going to live like this anymore.” It is easier to blow out a match than it is to put out a forest fire, right? So, part of the answer for families is to intervene in the life of a troubled teen sooner, when they first recognize a problem has developed. Don’t wait for things to spin completely out of control — when it turns into a forest fire.
Part of that intervention may include counseling or even placing your child in a therapeutic setting, where experts can deal with your teen in a more focused and organized fashion, and give the family a break from the stress. We designed Heartlight to help teens and their families sort out their struggles and learn why they behave the way they do.
Please pass this assessment tool on to others who may be struggling with their teenager. It is often helpful for them to know that they are not the only parents dealing with these same issues.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, national radio host, and the founder of Heartlight, a residential counseling opportunity for struggling adolescents, which is located in East Texas.
