Have you caught your teen lying? Or do you feel like he or she might be hiding something from you? Most teens are no stranger to the art of deception. What may seem like a tiny lie to them actually signals a deeper issue at heart. In this article, I’ll explain how to confront and break the habits of dishonesty.

Possible Reasons for Dishonesty
There’s a lot of pressure on teens to appear a certain way at home, at school, and on social media. They may even say and do things that they don’t really believe, in order to get attention. Telling lies, exaggerating the truth, or leaving out key details is wrong, but to your teen it may seem like an easy way to create the image they want you to see. Unfortunately, it also means that deep down your teen is probably not happy with who he is. He’s trying to make himself appear the way he thinks people want to see him. He’ll show one side of himself to his friends and another side to mom and dad because he don’t want to disappoint you. Plus, in teen culture people lie all the time and seem to get away with it. They see their role models telling half-truths and receiving applause. So even when celebrities get exposed, your teen is probably thinking––“oh well he just got caught”––and he’ll try harder to cover up his deception.

Watching for Signs of Dishonesty
Do you suspect your teen is keeping something from you? If so, your hunch is probably correct. The best response is to draw closer to your teen and try to understand why your teen is lying. ¬When you suspect deception, check to see if your teen’s story lines up with events and details. Look for clues that your teen is being dishonest—things like changes in her habits or activities that are unexplained—before you confront her. Maybe they want to avoid consequences. Or perhaps they worry that they’ll lose your love. If so, your teen may be lying for a “good reason”–he wants a relationship with you. Whatever the reason is, there is a reason why.

Confronting Dishonesty
Are you setting a good example of honesty for your teen? If not, then you need to confront your own problem first. Then clearly explain why dishonesty breaks relationships. When your teen is lying, calmly present the evidence that you have. Tell them what you’ve observed and ask for a conversation about it. Dishonesty tends to grow with each lie that isn’t caught or addressed. As new lies crop up, be sure to address dishonesty right away. Ignoring lies only allows disrespect to continue and to grow.

Throughout the process of confronting your teen’s dishonesty, remember to affirm that you love your teen. Communicate that no matter what, you’re on his side. Also communicate the big picture: dishonesty will hurt him in life and he needs to stop. Once your teen understands your expectations and knows that he can come and talk to you, then be sure to affirm and celebrate him as he grows in honesty.

Breaking the Habits of Dishonesty
In order to break the habit of dishonesty, you will need to establish and enforce appropriate consequences. Let your teen know that you’ll be watching for more dishonesty in the future. Don’t hover over him and play a game of “gotcha”—but require honesty. Establish consequences for dishonesty and reward truth telling. Be consistent so that the habit doesn’t continue. Helping your teen be honest will not only help your relationship grow, but it will save your teen the pain of broken relationships in the future.

Creating a Family Culture of Honesty
These days it’s essential that parents keep an eye on internet activity. Within the anonymity of the web, teens can say or do anything they desire, regardless of whether or not it’s the truth. This behavior may also spill into other areas of a teen’s life. Knowing that mom and dad are monitoring their social media activity will help keep your teen accountable online.

Watch out for your own expectations. If you expect your teen to be perfectly honest and open with you all the time, your standard may be above your teen’s reach and may actually lead to more dishonesty. For example, if you’ve determined that your teen must get perfect grades or be the best at their sport, then you’re setting up a dangerous scenario where your teen may feel there is no other way out except to lie, when she doesn’t measure up to your expectations.

Conclusion
Hey moms and dads … honesty is a character trait in the teen years that is developed because the atmosphere of the home allows it to be. You are really the ones that create that setting where truth can be shared, good or bad, and discussions can happen without the beginning of World War III. Deceitfulness destroys. So make sure that you address the dishonesty you see after you create that home where everything can be put on the table, and the love you have for your teen is not diminished by one thing that they might say. Truth sometimes hurts but regardless of who feels the pain, it is truth that moves your family into deeper relationships with one another, and truth that affirms your love for one another.