Lots of teens who might be labeled as “rebellious” by the world are really lost and struggling with anger, abuse, pain, or loneliness. In this article, I’ll help parents understand why teens get lost and how to guide your teen back to a healthy life path.
What It Looks Like When a Teen is Lost
When teen doesn’t know how to navigate the world he’s living in, he may turn to a wide range of inappropriate behaviors in order to figure things out. He might be defiant, disrespectful, disobedient, or depressed. A lost teen might lash out. A lost teen might try anything and everything to find out where she belongs. And a lost teen is one who doesn’t respond to what you’re doing to get her to a good place. Since there are so many ways a teen can lose her way, parents need to look past the behaviors to find out what’s motivating your teen.
Why a Teen Might Be Lost
Your teen is becoming more independent and navigating the world on his own for the first time. Sometimes teens who are trying to figure things out just lose their way and they may need your help to find their way back. You probably noticed that teens think they know everything, but too many times they get caught up in situations that they are unprepared to handle. Your teen may also be responding to trauma or loss. Whatever happened to get your teen into the mess he’s in, you are just the right person to help your teen out!
Offer Good Things When Your Teen is Doing Bad Things
When you’ve been hurt badly by your teen, you may have trouble showing your teen love and affection. This is when grace steps in. Grace lays the groundwork for your teen to move toward you again when your teen finally comes to the realization that her life needs to change for the better. But just because your teen is lost, hurt, or damaged right now doesn’t give him license to destroy you, your home, or disrupt your family. Allowing these behaviors, is not “good“ for your teen. Keeping boundaries in place ensures that you don’t lose your own way too. The most important thing during these tough times is to keep working on your relationship with your teen. Set aside regular one-on-one time with your teen. Consider taking her out to eat or doing something she likes. Whatever you do, take time to be together and talk. Convey the message that you still love your teen, even while her life is a mess.
What Parents Can Do While Their Teen is Lost
God has placed you in your teen’s life, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through these years alone. I recommend you get into a small group of parents who are going through something similar. You can tell your story, but I encourage you also to listen. The counsel of others in this hard situation might spark some insight and some new ideas. There is wisdom and comfort in the presence of many. Sharing your troubles with other parents may help you gain an understanding of this moment in time, because you will probably see other families work through their problems before your lost teen finds her way back. To help during that passage of time, begin a journal of your thoughts, prayers, concerns, hurts, and struggles. Writing things down can remind you of God’s presence in the storm. Later you can look back and see how far you and your teen have come.
Conclusion
Hey moms and dads … chances are that your teen is more lost than rebellious, and if they are lost, I can assure you that’s not a place that they want to be. I guarantee you that if they knew how to find their way, they would. If you’re a mess because your teen is going through a tough time, I promise you that your teen is more of a mess than you––and that’s why they need you like they do. They may not say it. They may not act like it. But there’s no one more capable of helping a teen find his way than parents who stick with him for better or for worse. Your investment in your teen’s life during this time will make all the difference in the destiny of your family. Remember that you too were once lost, but now are found.